Stargate is not ours
But if it was, there would be
lots more drunken sex.

Also, the song isn't mine. But I do believe it should be the drsclub theme song. *nods*
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Response to the drsclub "35 Ways" challenge...this time, with kitchen table sex!
For the drsclub. Special thanks to Red and Vicki, for making me do it and for not thinking I was crazy for wanting to write it in the first place. :)

Walking through the front door as quietly as possible, as he was planning on surprising his wife, Daniel chuckled at the music that was flowing from the speakers. Obviously, Janet wasn’t paying attention…if she had been, he was sure the cd would have been shut off already. Cassie must have left it in the player when she went back to school. He dropped the bag he was carrying by the front closet and shrugged off his coat, his wife still oblivious to his presence. It was her first weekend off in quite a while, so he had worked out a way to get back from P9X-503 early. It hadn’t been easy to convince General Hammond, but in the end, he relented. Janet had no clue he had done it though, and he couldn’t wait to see her reaction.

The music continued, completely ignored by her. If only she knew the kind of music her daughter was listening to, he thought. He had been forced to listen to the cd one day while home alone with Cassie. Some of the songs, this one especially, had gotten him thinking things about his wife that he really shouldn’t have been thinking around his step-daughter.

Dripped through the hallways cause we started in the shower
(Not 99, not 98)
We didn't finish 'til we hit the kitchen counter
(I'll make love to ya, in 100 ways)

He held back a laugh at the lyrics as he made his way to the kitchen, where he could see Janet, standing at the sink with her back to the doorway, scrubbing a particularly dirty pot. Probably one of the ones he had used and almost managed to ruin when attempting to cook the two of them dinner before he went off-world.

She was wearing a khaki skirt, cut high on her thighs and a plain, purple cotton t-shirt. Her hair was pinned up loosely, a few strands falling free from their bobby pins.

He snuck up behind her; she was in her own world, humming something that was obviously not the song that was playing. No wonder she hasn’t shut it off yet. Wrapping his arms around her, he felt her tense before he started placing open-mouthed kisses on a sensitive spot just below her ear and on the side of her neck. She unceremoniously dropped the pot back into the water and relaxed into him, titling her head to give him better access.

"Mmm…I missed you."

"Missed you, too," he said, mouth barely leaving her neck. The song continued in the background and he laughed against her when he heard the lyrics.

Dip you in chocolate
Even though you taste good plain
Bite you in the center
Sweetest fields of sugarcane

"What’s so funny?"

"Janet, honey, do you have any idea what you’re listening to?"

She listened for a second. "Must be something of Cassie’s. Why?"

"Just listen to it."

"Okay."

And though she always came across like she was tame
(Girl you know I love ya)
100 ways is what it takes to feed her craving
(I'm going downtown where it's business as usual)

Not 99, not 98
I'll make love to ya
In 100 ways

Know it takes awhile to go through all the different ways
(One hundred positions, we'll go through them all)

She turned in his arms. "Oh my god! My *daughter* listens to stuff like this?"

"Yep. And some of the songs are even worse than this one."

"Daniel, I really don’t want to hear that."

He moved closer to her, pressing her back to the counter. Her eyes brightened and she grinned at him when she felt his hardening erection against her.

"Well, you have to admit…this song has potential…" Removing an arm from around her waist, he swept it up her side, stopping at her breast. She moaned at the contact and arched against him. The heat from his hand was quickly spreading elsewhere in her body as he slowly rubbed his palm against her.

"For us, maybe. But not Cassie," she conceded.

He was purposely avoiding contact with her nipple and she figured two could play at that game. Grabbing at his shirt, she quickly untucked it and slipped her hands under the fabric.

He sucked in a breath when her nails scratched down his chest. "Only 'maybe'?" he asked, grinning.

"If you’re lucky." She raised an eyebrow at him.

Leaning closer to her, he whispered, "That’s a distinct possibility," before claiming her mouth with his own. They dueled for control of the kiss and Daniel won when he ran his tongue along her hard palate, making her moan.

Much to Janet’s enjoyment, Daniel finally stopped teasing and moved his hand across her nipple, fingers pinching the bud through her shirt and bra. Breaking their kiss when air became necessary, he reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. The bra soon followed and Janet cried out when the rough pads of his fingers caressed and stroked her sensitized nipples. She unconsciously spread her legs wider and he took the opportunity to move closer to her, rubbing against her through the skirt she wore.

Daniel trailed kisses down her throat, neck and chest and soon his mouth replaced one of his hands on her breast. His lips closed around her peaked nipple and her hands were immediately in his hair, holding him to her. With his free hand, he reached for the zip on her skirt. Pushing the material off her hips, he was surprised to see that his wife was sans underwear. He pulled back to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "I had a sneaking suspicion you’d be home today." She stepped out of the skirt, kicking it to the side.

"So, you had this planned?" He liked it when she went without underwear.

"Mmhmm." She pressed her naked body against his. "You’re wearing too many clothes. We should remedy that." That said, she yanked his t-shirt over his head and reached for his belt. That too was soon gone, followed by his pants and boxers. When all of his clothes were off, she smiled up at him. "Much better."

Reaching up on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around Daniel’s neck and kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip. He rested his hands on her bare ass, moaning as the action brought her closer to his erection.

Breaking the kiss, Daniel rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes were dark with her desire for him. The kitchen probably wasn’t the greatest place to make love to his wife, but he didn’t care. He turned them around and started walking toward the kitchen table. Janet laughed when she realized what he was doing. "Sure about this?" she asked when the back of her thighs hit the edge of the table.

"Oh yeah…the bedroom is over-rated."

She rolled her eyes before getting up on the table, Daniel moving to stand between her legs. She kissed his chest and closed her mouth around one of his nipples, flicking it with her tongue before pulling away. He groaned at the loss of contact but it quickly turned to a moan as she moved to the other one. His hands went to her hair, pulling at the bobby pins, letting her hair cascade down so he could run his fingers freely through it.

Moving away, she laid back on the table, pulling him back with her so he was leaning over her. She wrapped her legs around his waist. "I love you."

"I love you, too." With one hand on the table by her head, he cupped her cheek with his other, kissing her gently. Janet stroked his sides, teasing and lightly tickling him with her nails.

Keeping Janet distracted with kisses, Daniel brought his hand between her legs. Eyes closed, chest heaving, lost in the sensation of his mouth on hers, she was taken by surprise when he slid two fingers into her. "Daniel!" His name was a harsh, throaty whisper.

He chuckled against her mouth, pulling away slightly for air. "What?" Wanting to tease, he pulled his hand away and instead lazily stroked her outer lips, occasionally dipping the tips of his fingers back into her.

"Daniel, I want you."

"You have me."

"Daniel…" she whined.

He nuzzled her neck, biting gently. "Patience, my love."

She shook her head. "I'm sick of being patient. You were gone for almost a week. I need you. Now." To emphasize her point, her hand found his erection, her thumb rubbing the tip. "Please."

That one word was enough to make him give up on the slow teasing that he had had in mind for her. Standing up, he pushed her hand away, positioned himself, and slid into her. Janet moaned as he did, arching her hips to speed his movement and tightening her legs around him.

The feel of him inside her after almost a week was almost too much for Janet. She was close to the edge and Daniel had barely moved within her.

Daniel, too, was enjoying the sensation of once again being buried within his wife. Locking his eyes with hers, he began thrusting with a rhythm that they had established long ago.

If he had been looking to have a nice, slow welcome home, he wasn’t going to get it. Janet moved hard and fast beneath him, forcing him to increase his pace. He ran his hands up and down her body, pausing to playfully pinch her nipples. She grabbed one of his shoulders, her other hand threaded through his hair, and brought his lips to hers. The move changed the angle of Daniel’s thrusts and she cried out against his mouth when he hit her sweet spot.

Her nails raked down his back; she whispered into his ear, urging him go to faster, to take her harder. Daniel followed her whispered orders, moving harder and faster into her. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer if she kept doing what she was doing with her nails on his back and if they kept going at such a frenzied pace. Finding her clit, he stroked it with his thumb. At the same time, he angled his hips to hit her spot in a new way.

Her muscles clenched around him and she came with a harsh scream of his name. Her scream was all it took for him to follow her over the edge.

Daniel collapsed over his wife, shaky arms holding him unsteadily above so as to not crush her. He rested his head on her neck; she was running her hands down his back, soothing the sting her nails had caused, whispering random, sweet nothings into his ear.

When he was able to move again, he stood, pulling Janet up with him so she sat once again on the edge of the table with him between her legs. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, before finally kissing her lips.

As the kiss broke, Janet grinned up at him, her cheeks flushed and her hair a mess. "Welcome home."

"Thank you, honey. I should go away more often if my welcome home is going to be like this every time I do."

Janet shook her head. "Don’t even think about it."

"Okay. So how did you really know I was coming home today?"

"General Hammond let it slip when I called to ask him something. It was completely on accident."

"So the music…"

"Was all part of the plan," she finished. "I had the stereo on shuffle earlier before I called Hammond. That cd came on while I was on the phone. I must admit that it got me thinking things about you that I should never be thinking while talking to my superior officer."

He laughed. "Now you know how I was feeling when Cassie made me listen to it!"

"Think we should…confiscate it?" she suggested, raising an eyebrow as she said it.

"Or we could just copy it…" he offered.

"Works for me."