Regrets
by Jammer
E-MAIL: jammer0307@yahoo.com
STATUS: Complete
RATING: PG
SEASON: 7
SPOILERS: Everything up to and including Heroes.
CATEGORY: Daniel/Janet UST
SUMMARY: Daniel hears a song on the radio and reflects
on the years.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, nothing at all.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I had to do this, this plot bunny won't leave me
alone. This is going to be my only story that deals
with NOT fixing 'Heroes'. I have a 'Heroes' fix-it in
the message archives and one on the way. After this
fic, I'm firmly in Denial.
Thanks for the support after seeing 'Heroes' those who
sent me virtual hugs.
Daniel Jackson sat in the darkness of his apartment.
He just couldn't bring himself to turn on the lights.
"She's really gone." he said out loud to himself as if
by verbalizing it, he would comprehend it.
The truth is, that he couldn't. He himself had died
or nearly died, how many times? And he'd always come
back, but she died and she wasn't going to come back
*ever*.
The silence became too oppressive for him and he got
up to turn on the radio. He flipped around to find a
good, clear station since it looked like Jack had
fiddled with the dials on his stereo the last time
Jack had come over for SG-1's poker night.
All of a sudden he heard a familiar voice. It was the
local country station, Janet's favorite. It was
always on in her office and in her car, he had heard
it many times. Wanting to remember the happy moments
he had with her, he decided to listen to the station
for a while. The DJ's voice cut in on his musings
again. "And now for an older one by Chris Cagle, here
is 'The Safe Side'."
Daniel hadn't heard that one before, so intrigued he
paid attention to the slow song that came on the
radio.
"Have you ever wondered what life would be like
If you'd only went left instead of taking that right
If you had waited just ten more minutes to leave the house
Would it all be different
Every decision everything we choose has a consequence whether we win or lose
Nobody knows that any better than me
I left her standing at the station with a ticket and a dream
*Don't I know the 'what if' parade* Daniel thought.
She's the train that I didn't take
The big commitment I just couldn't make
For fear of breaking my heart, I didn't risk the ride
She's the lesson I learned the hard way
Now being lonely is the price I pay
The river of regret runs deep and wide
Here on the safe side
*I cared about Janet, but I was too chicken and now
she's gone.*
I still remember the night she left
She said she didn't want to lose me, but she had to find herself
I could've stopped her or got on board with her
But now it's too late to reconsider
*Ain't that the truth* Daniel's self-berating
continued.
She's the train that I didn't take
The big commitment I just couldn't make
For fear of breaking my heart, I didn't risk the ride
She's the lesson I learned the hard way
Now being lonely is the price I pay
The river of regret runs deep and wide
Here on the safe side
*I wish I had just let her know I cared, how much she
really meant to me*
Sometimes the greatest risk of all
Is never taking one at all
*That's also the truth. At least if I had taken the
risk, I could have been happy for a while*
She's the train that I didn't take
The big commitment I just couldn't make
For fear of breaking my heart, I didn't risk the ride
She's the lesson I learned the hard way
Now being lonely is the price I pay
The river of regret runs deep and wide
Here on the safe side
Oh I don't want to be alone
Here on the safe side"
"Janet, I miss you so much." he whispered brokenly to
the empty room.
He couldn't take it anymore and flipped off the radio.
He flopped down on his sofa and began to cry. *If
only I said something!* The thought kept repeating
through his mind until exhausted he fell asleep.
------------------------------------------------------
When he woke up the next morning, he oddly felt
peaceful. Somehow he had come to terms with the pain
inside. "I still love you Janet and I won't ever
forget you" he said to the empty room, feeling that
wherever she was she would hear that. With that he got
up and silently steeled himself for one of the hardest
things he would ever have to do, *live* without the
woman he had learned to love.
------------------------------------------------------
In the place where pain like that has and will never
be known, Janet Fraiser smiled at the view of the man
she had loved in life. She knew someday he would
remember her visit to his dream, but only when he had
learned to live again. "I love you too, Daniel. Be
careful and I hope to see you when you grow old and
gray."
She turned and met the eyes of Sha're Jackson, who led
her away from the mirror that showed Daniel. Looking
back one last time, Janet saw the faces of her family.
"I don't regret a thing. Goodbye."
******************************************************
I just had to, comments welcome at my e-mail.
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