Perchance to Dream - Part 4
by Bryn
E-MAIL: buddygirl19@yahoo.com
STATUS: Work-in-Progress, Part 4
RATING: PG-13
SEASON: end of 5, into 6
SPOILERS: Meridian
CATEGORY:
SUMMARY: Daniel ascends leaving Janet behind with only dreams.
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, I just play with them. The song is Bring Me To Life by Evanescence (not mine either).
AUTHOR'S NOTES: If there's anyone out there actually reading this fic, I apologize for the long dry spell, I went on holiday and then had parents visiting, but finally I'm back at the computer... now I just need to find my muse so I can write again!!
FEEDBACK: Seriously makes my life worth living.
Part Four: Bring Me To Life
It was late and after a long day of work, Janet was
exhausted. Her body was yelling at her to go to
sleep, but her mind would not, or could not, rest, so
she just sat there in the sole chair in her quarters,
staring at the bed. It had only been nine hours
before that she’d lain unconscious in the cave,
dreaming of him.
Logic told her it wasn’t really Daniel. She had
watched him die in her infirmary. She had gone to his
funeral. She had been mourning for him for two
months. He was gone, as much as she didn’t want to
believe it.
But her heart told her, without a doubt, that that had
been him. Same blue eyes, same soft voice, same
touch. After so long a time of only guilt and
anguish, her heart was overjoyed. It ached for him
now, longing to see him again, just for a minute.
He said he could speak to her in her dreams, and part
of her yearned to close her eyes and wait for him.
That part was at war with the sensible part of her
though, which told her it had only been a figment of
her wistful and deluded imagination. So half of her
dreaded sleep, fearing it would be empty and
disappointing: that afterwards she’d be back at the
beginning, shattered by losing him again. She didn’t
think she could survive it a second time. Finally, the
decision was made for her, as sleep overtook her
without her consent.
* How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I’ve become so numb without a soul *
Janet was surrounded by a dense mist, so thick she
felt like she was standing in the middle of a cloud.
She felt the moisture on her skin, but she wasn’t
cold. Instead, she felt warm and safe. She wondered
if she was back in the caves again, but try as she
might, she couldn’t discern any walls. All that she
could see was the fog: white and glowing unnaturally.
“I’m here,” his voice called from behind her.
She turned around and there he was, just like she
remembered him. He wore normal clothes: a light blue
button up shirt and dark slacks, and he wore his
glasses. He was walking toward her out of the fog…
just like a dream.
“I don’t understand this, Daniel,” she whispered.
“How is this possible?”
“I’m not dead, Janet. Like Jack told you, I ascended.
I still exist,” he explained, with a wave of his
hands to emphasize, “just differently.”
* My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home *
“This isn’t just a dream, then?”
He stopped before her, looking down into her eyes.
“Oh, this is a dream.” He reached his hand up to touch
her face. “But I’m not a figment of your imagination.
I’m real.”
His touch was exquisite. She closed her eyes and
leaned into his hand, never wanting the feeling to
end. She could smell him, the same aftershave he’d
always worn, mixed with his own natural scent. How
could this not be real?
Reluctantly she opened her eyes again, but he was
still there, smiling at her. Again the pain of the
last eight weeks overwhelmed her and her eyes began to
sting. “I’ve missed you, Daniel,” she whispered. She
seemed unable to speak louder, still scared that this
would all disappear. “More than you could ever know.”
“I know now,” he assured her. “I can see things now I
couldn’t before. I can see you now.” He studied her
as she continued to stare at him, her eyes wide with
shock and brimming with tears. “Why do you look so
sad?”
“The last time I saw you, you were dying and I
couldn’t do a damned thing about it,” Janet admitted
weakly. “I failed you.”
*Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark*
“Janet, don’t say that,” he insisted softly. He
stepped even closer and took her face in both his
hands, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that
were escaping down her cheeks. “You did everything
you could - more than anyone could have expected - but
there was no way anyone could have helped me. I don’t
want you to feel guilty, you have no reason to.”
She covered his hands with hers, taking them down from
her face to study them. “I still can’t believe you’re
here. That I can see you and feel you.”
“Believe it,” he said with a smile. “I’m here.”
Something clicked in her mind and she looked around
again, though not letting go of his hands. “Where
*is* here, anyway?” she asked.
“A safe place, in here,” he said, taping her temple
lightly with his finger. “No one can find us and no
one can disturb us.”
* Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life*
“You said you weren’t supposed to be here,” Janet
reminded, seeking an explanation.
“No,” Daniel agreed. “I’m not supposed to interfere.”
“Then why? Why are you here?”
“I think you know why.”
*Frozen inside without your touch, without your love
Darling only you are the life among the dead*
She looked down at their joined hands, unable to meet
his eyes. It was something she’d been unable and
unwilling to admit to him when he lived, but now was
her second chance, her only chance. She couldn’t be
afraid now: she couldn’t lose him again because she
was. “Because… I love you.”
He nodded, a smile that made him look younger and more
carefree than Janet had ever seen him playing on his
lips and warming his eyes. “You should have told me,”
he reproached gently.
“How could I? I was a doctor to you, maybe a friend,
nothing else.”
* All this time I can’t believe I couldn’t see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me*
“That’s not true, Janet. Maybe I didn’t say anything,
maybe I didn’t even realize it, but you were so much
more than that to me.” Still clasping her hand in
his, he ran his index finger down her cheek. “But I
realize it now. I’m sorry it took me so long; I’m
sorry I was so blind. You were there in front of me
all the time and I was a fool.”
“What are you saying, Daniel?” She looked into his
eyes, searching them for any hint that what she hoped
for was real.
He smiled at her genuinely. “That I love you, too,
Janet.”
Janet wanted to laugh and smile all at the same time.
They were the words she’d longed to hear for so long,
but…“Why are you telling me this now?” She closed her
eyes, as much to keep the tears in as to close out his
confused expression. “Why couldn’t you have told me
before? When we could have done something about it?
How am I supposed to get over you now? How am I
supposed to go back to living my life everyday,
without you?” Her hands unconsciously tightened
around his and her anger at the unfairness was evident
in her voice.
* Now that I know what I’m without
You can’t just leave me*
“Do you want to get over me?” he asked softly, wearily.
“No, no…” She shook her head, her eyes still tightly closed.
“Then don’t,” he begged, almost desperately. “I tried
to be without you, Janet, and I couldn’t. I can’t. I
want you, I *need* you. I may not be able to come to
you during your waking hours, but I can come to you at
night, here. If you want me, I’ll never leave.”
She opened her eyes and looked straight into his. “I
want you,” she said without hesitation. “Don’t leave me.”
Daniel took her hands and wrapped them around his neck
before letting them go. His own arms he wrapped around
her slender waist, pulling her close to him. He
leaned his head closer to hers and just before their
lips met, she whispered, “Don’t ever leave me.”
*Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I’ve become
Bring me to life*
TBC...
Copyright (c) Bryn August 2004
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