I Am Not A Geek
by Karen


RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: D/J, S/Ja
SYNOPSIS: Daniel's not a geek, and he lists all the reasons why. Fluff.
SPOILERS: None.
A/N: Um.a little difficult to explain. Basically I'm in the middle of writing a HP/Buffy xover with a very specific idea of where to go for the sequel in which the main characters end up in on a flying visit to the SG1 reality. The only problem is that I got sidetracked by the Dan/Jan archive on Wednesday, read all the fic there (and I mean ALL) by Saturday morning and got bit by a monster plot bunny for the sequel to the xover and it's effect on SG1. I've fallen in love with the D/J 'ship and I'm dying to write the story I've had floating around in my head for the past two days so I figured screw it. This is my first attempt at a Stargate fanfic and you don't need to know anything about the other xover to follow the plot in this one but they are mentioned in a couple of throwaway lines. ::sigh:: I may have to abandon the damn fic completely until the delightful Doctor Jackson and the object of his desires gets the hell out of my head.
DEDICATIONS: Susie Bagley and Sara C for getting me hooked.


Jack O' Neill raised his eyebrows as he watched his friendly neighbourhood archaeologist and friend stomp into his office and slam the door behind him with an almighty crash. He glared at two passing airmen who exchanged raised eyebrows and then sauntered down the corridor to rap lightly on the still vibrating door. "Daniel?" His own eyebrows rose at the not so muffled curses filtering through the door and he glanced around to make sure no one was within hearing distance before knocking once more and then opening the door without waiting for a response. "Daniel, you ok?"

Daniel Jackson stood by his cluttered workbench; face flushed with furious colour and stared at his CO and close friend. "I'm fine." His fists opened and closed by his side as his chest heaved with emotion and he repeated unconvincingly. "I'm fine."

Jack stepped in and closed the door. "Uh-huh." He smirked slightly as he leaned back against the door and folded his arms across his chest. "Sure you are, pal. What's up, did someone break one of your rocks?" His mouth dropped open in surprise as Daniel damn near growled and struck out blindly to send a precariously balanced pile of manila folders flying into the air. "Whoa, buddy, lets calm it down a little, huh?"

Daniel narrowed his eyes at his friend and turned to slap at another pile of folders sending them jumping into the air and papers raining down all around him. "Screw calming down." He turned back to the speechless Colonel and jabbed a rigid finger at him. "I'm sick and tired of always being the damned sensible one around here. Why the hell can't I cut loose once in a while, huh?"

Seriously considering poking his head out the office door and hollering for the SGC's favourite Jaffa, and his trusty staff weapon, to come and save him from the obviously possessed Daniel, Jack nodded cautiously. "Ok-kaay. Don't suppose you'd consider cutting loose in the Infirmary while the Doc hooks you up to a couple of wires and runs a few tests, would ya?"

Judging from the way Daniel's normally pleasant blue eyes bulged in his apoplectic face and his mouth twisted in a snarl the answer was a resounding no. "I am never going near that woman again." For emphasis Daniel kicked the base of his workbench and then kicked it again. "EVER."

Jack glanced longingly over his shoulder at the door and thought of yelling for Sam at the same time as he yelled for Teal'c but reluctantly decided to be a man and try and deal with the latest SG1 crisis on his own. "What did the Doc do?" He risked a weak chuckle. "Used one of the really big needles instead of the special ones she keeps just for you?" He visibly paled as Daniel's eyes bulged even more alarmingly.

Daniel's mouth worked soundlessly for a minute before he thumped the top of his desk and howled. "I am NOT a geek!" Not giving Jack a chance to answer him even if he wanted to, Daniel stripped off his jacket and threw it on the floor to spread his arms wide. "Does this look like the body of a geek to you?" He and flapped his well-developed arms up and down as he bellowed. "DOES IT?"

Jack blinked in confusion. "Janet called you a geek?"

"A CUTE geek!" Nearly hyperventilating with outrage, Daniel balled his fists. "She called me a cute geek and laughed."

"Uh-huh." Jack eyed his friend and bit the bullet. "Daniel, I hate to break it to you, but you are a geek." He took wary step back as Daniel narrowed his eyes at him and bumped off the door as he said hastily. "And that's what we love about you, pal!"

"I saved that woman from a Jaffa squad and carried her for a half mile sprint under heavy fire when she was unconscious!" Nearly dancing with anger, Daniel threw his hands up in the air. "Could a geek do that?!"

"Well, er." Jack closed his mouth as he realised his participation was definitely not required in the one-sided conversation.

"And I saved the known galaxy!" Daniel was fast going beyond a snit and into unrestrained rage. "I don't see your average geek running around doing that. OR holding off hordes of goddamned aliens and their mindless freaks of worm-nurturing-guards."

Jack swallowed. "Er.no, you don't."

"And could a GEEK ascend to a higher plane of existence?" Daniel was starting to froth at the mouth as he continued his rant. "I don't see any goddamned, clever assed scientists turning all glowy and stuff around here, do you?"

Jack shook his head and his eyes darted from side to side. "No." He coughed uneasily. "How much coffee did you get this morning?" He actually flinched as Daniel stomped forwards and waved a shaking finger under his nose.

"Do I go around saying how freakishly small that woman is?" Daniel's skin was turning an unhealthy shade of purple. "Or making comments about CMO's who have stupid little pixie noses and child sized hands and feet? No, I don't!" He gasped for breath and then roared into Jack's stunned face. "Because I am a mature adult who doesn't need to make derogatory comments about my co-workers and friends to make dumb ass, visiting scientists laugh!"

Jack wiped a speck of spittle off his cheek and nodded once more. "Uh, good?" He eyed Daniel warily as the smaller man stood with chest heaving before him and then realised the scary yelling seemed to be over for the moment. "So, you're ok then?"

Daniel scowled for a moment before abruptly turning on his heel and throwing himself down onto his stool to cross his arms over his chest and sulk like a Jaffa that had been told there would be no ritual torture and murder planned for that day. "I can't believe she said that about me."

Jack edged slowly into the room and tried to find an upside. "But she did say you were cute, right?"

"Like I was some stray puppy or something!" Daniel's eyes flashed with outrage again as he remembered. "And she said it to those Wilson and Jones creeps that've been working with Sam on the new programme for the Stargate."

Finally seeing where Daniel's uncharacteristic flash of temper was coming from, Jack gave a sympathetic wince. "Ouch." The granite jawed Mark Wilson, along with his equally chiselled friend Doctor Simon Jones, had been a quiet source of irritation for Jack since they had set their impeccably shoed feet inside Cheyenne Mounain three days before. A muscle ticked in his jaw as he thought of the very unprofessional gleam Jones got in his eye whenever he was in close proximity to a certain Major Samantha Carter. "I don't like those guys."

Daniel huffed a bitter laugh at the thoughtful comment. "Me either." He cocked an eyebrow at his friend and figured that if he was going to miserable then he was damn well going to have some company while he did it. "And Sam laughed when Jones called you a shoot 'em up space jock."

What little humour Jack might have been able to salvage from Daniel's tantrum evaporated like a mothership hit by a naquadria bomb. "She did what?"

Daniel nodded. "Uh-huh." He tried to feel guilty about the furious snap in Jack's eyes but the sound of Janet's giggle as Wilson had presented her with a droopy bouquet of wild flowers he'd picked before coming to work still raised the hackles on the back of his neck. "Apparently, and I quote, 'Jack and Daniel are just a couple of guys we work with', unquote."

Now it was Jack's turn to have his eyes bulging, and for good measure a thick vein started to throb in his temple. "We're WHAT?"

Nodding morosely, Daniel felt a sliver of satisfaction as Jack's face began to flush the same purple his had been moments before. "Yup. Just a couple of regular guys, nothing special." His lips bared his teeth in an unconscious snarl. "Geeks."

"Hey!" Jack glared indignantly at his friend before throwing his hands up in the air. "Just a couple of guys? I can't believe she said that about me!"

"Er, hello, got called a geek?" Daniel scowled as Jack ignored him and began to pace the cluttered room. "Let's not lose focus here."

"Oh, what do you care?" Jack sniffed and rolled his eyes. "Till those freaky kids showed up last week you didn't even notice the Doc was alive." His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. "Sam and me, we got this.this."

"Yeah, yeah, we all know." Daniel rolled his own eyes disparagingly. "The great and tragic Jack and Sam show. The pain, the suffering." He waited a beat and then concluded spitefully. "And that's just me and Teal'c having to watch it every goddamned time we set foot off planet."

Jack stared in consternation at his buddy. "I thought we were on the same side here."

"We are." Daniel sighed and bounced a frustrated fist off his workbench. "I'm sorry. It's just so.annoying. I went to Janet's office to see if she'd like to maybe grab a bite to eat after work, nothing fancy, just a quiet drink and maybe get to know each other a little better." His handsome face creased in a deep scowl once more. "And then I overhear that damned Wilson and Jones asking her and Sam to go with them to the theatre and then asking what their relationships were with us. And laughing!" He glared at Jack. "I can see where Sam and Janet might not automatically think of us that way, but you think those guys might at least think we're at least competition."

"Damn straight." Jack's eyes glittered with macho pride. "We're pretty fine specimens of the male species alright."

"So how come we're suddenly just 'a couple of guys' and two idiots who'd run screaming at the first sign of a hostile alien are sitting in Janet's office laughing it up with our friends?" Daniel's fist clenched again on the counter. "If I'd have known coming back to this reality would suck so much I'd have stayed up there." He jerked a thumb at the ceiling, presumably to indicate the cosmos in general and sighed gloomily. "I can't believe I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out and she thinks I'm just a geek."

Jack hooked a shiny boot around a spare stool and dragged it across the floor with a loud screech to plop onto it. "I can't believe Sam's gonna go out with that guy." He raked a hand through his graying hair and glowered at the floor. "I mean, sure, we never actually said we'd hold off on seeing other people but I thought it was, y'know, kinda understood."

"At least you know Sam used to have feelings for you." Daniel ground his teeth. "All I ever got from Janet was pain relief and locked up in a padded room on occasion." He braced his elbows on the desk and rested his chin on his hands. "Dammit, why didn't I say something sooner?"

"'Cos we were too damn busy saving the goddamned world to notice we'd entered the 'friend zone'." Jack engaged in his own savage kick at the desk. "And where did it get us?"

"Here." Daniel waved one hand in a bitter gesture to indicate his cluttered office and the general lack of nubile and willing Doctors and Majors. "All alone."

A depressed silence fell as both men contemplated exactly where they had gone so wrong in their personal lives and why exactly the object of their desires seemed to, at best, regard them as close work companions. After a few minutes Jack began to drum his fingers impatiently on the desk top as his mind began to race. "Y'know, we don't have to give in without a fight."

"What do you suggest? We shove Wilson and Jones through the Stargate and then throw Janet and Sam over our shoulders and lock them in our offices until they see reason?" Daniel shuddered. "Yeah, I can see that going well. I don't know what I'm looking forward to more, being hauled up on sexual harassment charges, being locked in a padded room AGAIN or being charged with the attempted murder of two men that did nothing more than have the courage to ask out two women that we wanted."

Jack gave a harsh bark of laughter. "Nothing quite so dramatic, Danny-boy." His face creased in an evil grin. "But there's nothing saying that we can't shake things up a little bit. Between your brains and my charm we're the perfect guy."

Daniel looked in bemusement at his friend. "Huh?"

"You're all, y'know, sensitive and stuff." Jack nodded knowingly. "Women dig that." He thumped a hand on his chest proudly. "And I'm more your hands on type of guy, between us we should be able to come up with some kind of strategy to get Carter and the Doc right where we want them." He rubbed his hands together in sudden glee. "They won't stand a chance."

"What about the." Daniel's mouth shut hurriedly as Jack sliced an impatient hand through the air.

"If you even mention the 'r' word, Daniel, I will have to hurt you." Jack stared sightlessly at the wall behind his friend and mused. "I'm beginning to think that it doesn't matter a damn whether or not Carter and I are together outside of work or not, every time we go through the gate all I can think about is getting her back in one piece anyway so I might as well have my cake and eat it."

"Connor said that his feelings for Dawn keep them alive." Daniel scratched his chin thoughtfully. "That whatever they went through was worth it because they were together."

Jack nodded approvingly. "Exactly. And if those kids can be all saving the world one minute and chewing the face off each other the next then I'm damn sure we can." He raised an enquiring eyebrow. "You in?"

"This is big, Jack." Daniel's face creased in another frown as he turned over Jack's suggestion. "This could change everything." He chewed absently on his bottom lip as he mulled things over. "I don't even really know she likes me in that way, just Connor's word that he could, er.smell the attraction between us."

Jack nodded slowly. "Uh-huh. And as I recall he said he could smell the attraction between all his pals before they got together too." He recalled the eight teenagers that had caused such mayhem the previous week and grinned slyly. "And they all looked pretty cosy."

"I guess." Daniel chewed his lip once more and then sighed dispiritedly. "I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Well, first off, those two scientists clowns have got to go." Jack jumped to his feet and barely restrained the urge to crow with triumph at Daniel's reluctant agreement. "And then we set about letting the good doctor and my 2IC see a whole new side to our characters." He pointed an emphatic finger at Daniel's dubious face. "I say we shake off the buddy image and start them seeing the real us. What do you say?"

Daniel pictured Janet's smiling face in his mind and felt his guts twist again at the memory of her overheard affectionate dismissal of him. He gave a sharp, decisive nod. "I'm in." He stood up and followed Jack the door, ignoring the mess of papers and files scattered over the floor in the wake of his tantrum. "By the time I'm through with her she's never going to call me a geek again."

Jack grinned and clapped an affectionate hand on his friend's shoulder. "Yeah she will, pal." He sniggered at Daniel's outraged look and dug his elbow into the archaeologist's ribs. "But you'll be a studmuffin geek. It'll make all the difference, trust me."

Daniel opened his mouth, considered Jack's laughing comment and then narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "I can live with that." He stuffed his hands into his pants as they headed towards Jack's office. "So, where are we going?"

Jack grinned smugly. "Going to call a man about an overseas transfer. For two."

The End.

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