Choices of the Heart
by Kat Halcyon
Season/sequel: doesn't matter and no
Spoilers: nope
Rating: PG
Summary: Janet gets a clue.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Stargate SG-1.
This story was written for my own amusement, and no
infringement is intended. I don't even own this
computer. There is no point in suing me.
Author's Notes: Hope you like it!! If you do, drop a
line and tell me. :) And huge thanks to Bryn and
Becca. You know why. :)
I almost sighed audibly as Colonel Jack O'Neill left
my infirmary, giving me a brilliant smile and a "It's
been fun, Doc." He was just… certainly not perfect. He
was sarcastic and cynical and resisted getting close
to anyone. But it was all part of his charm, part of
the reason I'd been steadily falling for him ever
since we met.
I hadn't gotten up the courage to tell anyone about my
infatuation -- I wasn't so young and foolish as to
call it love. Above all, I prided myself on being the
practical, sensible doctor.
All my friends, for the most part, were military. And
it was completely inappropriate, militarily speaking,
for me to be having these feelings. I wasn't directly
under his command, but he was the second-in-command at
the base I served on. And I naturally was not a
demonstrative person; I didn't hide my feelings,
exactly, but I didn't go out of my way to share them.
My physical examinations over for the day -- SG-1 was
the only team due back today, and Jack somehow always
managed to be last -- I decided it was time to go
home. This would be the first time in almost two weeks
that I'd be home in time for supper. Cassie would be
thrilled.
It wasn't until I arrived at an empty house that I
remembered that Cassie was spending the night at a
friend's house.
Faced with the prospect of a whole evening alone, I
nuked a TV dinner and found my three-week-old,
unopened copy of the latest Tom Clancy book. I used to
read sci-fi novels, but that stopped after I started
working at the SGC. My life was now a sci-fi story of
it's own, it seemed sometimes… albeit a crappy one,
with the love interest showing nothing for the
heroine… I shook my head to clear my mind. I had to
stop thinking about Jack O'Neill.
I was barely a chapter into the book and had just
finished my dinner when the doorbell rang. I laughed
at myself as I got up reluctantly to answer it. For
someone so disappointed to be alone, I was sure taking
my time in answering the door.
Sam Carter stood on my front porch. She wore black
pants, a dark blue sweater and a gray trench coat. I
had changed into comfy sweats when I got home, and I
now felt like a total frump.
I scolded myself inwardly for having those thoughts.
Sam was one of my best friends. It was only thoughts
of stupid Jack O'Neill that made me so self-conscious.
Sam came in and, after several minutes of chitchat
about her last mission, we lapsed into silence. "All
right, Sam, out with it," I said after I felt the
quiet had gone on long enough.
She sighed. "It's the Colonel," she told me, offering
no further elaboration.
"O'Neill?" I asked. She nodded. "What about him?" I
wanted to know.
"I think I actually might be falling in love with
him." My mouth dropped. My first thought was "Mine!"
But then common sense kicked in, and I reminded myself
that the unspoken attraction I felt towards him gave
me no claim.
Sam continued, appearing not to notice my undignified
reaction. "I don't know why I feel this way. I mean,
it's career suicide! And it seems like half the time I
don't even like him! And sure, he's good-looking, but
not any more so than Daniel or Teal'c. There's just…
something."
How well I knew that something. "How does he feel
about you?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. He doesn't treat me as
any more than a friend… but sometimes I'll get this
feeling… I don't know." She sighed. "I'm sorry for
dumping this on you, Janet. I just had to get it out
of my system."
"No prob," I said weakly. "Do you want to stay for
coffee?"
Sam hung around for another two hours. We talked about
Cassie, and work, and various other topics. At no
point did Jack O'Neill's name come up.
* * *
A week later, SG-1 arrived back at the base from
another uneventful mission. I could count on my
fingers the number of times SG-1 had done two
consecutive mission with on death, injury, insanity or
clones… or any of the other extraordinary predicaments
that plagued the SGC's best team.
Jack, for once not the last to have his post-mission
physical, left the infirmary, and Daniel Jackson came
in. I looked towards Daniel after Jack was out of
sight, and felt my cheeks go slightly warm. Was it my
imagination, or was he staring at me? Surely he didn't
suspect…
After I finished his examination, Daniel stood up,
took several steps towards the door, then turned
around to face me. "Janet, would you say we're
friends?" he asked.
My eyes narrowed in confusion. "Yes…" I agreed. Where
was he going with this?
"Can I tell you something perfectly honestly, as a
friend?"
My heart sank. He did know. "Go ahead," I managed to
say.
"All right." He took a deep breath. "He's in love with
Sam, and she's in love with him. Neither of them know
how the other one feels, and I think they have trouble
recognizing their own feelings, but they're in love.
Maybe nothing will ever be able to happen between
them, but I can't see either of them getting seriously
involved with anyone else."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked coldly.
"Because, Janet… I look at you, and I see you looking
at him."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Daniel sighed. "I care for you, Janet. And I'd hate to
see you get your heart broken."
"I think you're overstepping your bounds."
"No! I think you don't understand what I'm trying to
tell you!"
"What are you trying to tell me?" I demanded. "What
the hell is so important that you feel you can come
barging into my personal life, huh?" Okay. Maybe I
overreacted. Maybe I didn't need to shout at him. But,
dammit, I was mad. I could have been feeling
disappointed about the Jack/Sam thing; I don't know.
But I was mad and I took it out on Daniel.
"Dammit, Janet, I'm trying to tell you that I'm in
love with you!" He stalked out of the infirmary.
* * *
I was glaring at a piece of pie in the commissary when
Lieutenant Graham Simmons plopped down onto a chair
opposite me. I didn't greet him. I barely even noticed
him, as the poor apple pie was being subjected to my
nastiest look.
"Doc, I know what you're going through."
I was startled enough to lift my gaze from the pie.
"What?" I asked.
"I went through the same thing."
Of course he did. Everyone on base knew about Simmons'
crush on Sam. Was my "thing" for Jack as much a
subject of ridicule?
"You don't know what you're talking about," I said
coldly. My "mean" voice was getting quite a workout
today, I thought with little amusement.
"Let's say I do. Doc… you have to get over it. I know
that's easier said than done. And it's easier with
someone to help you."
Either the SGC's resident puppy-dog was more
perceptive than anyone gave him credit for being, or
he was hitting on me. I looked into his eyes. It was
the former.
I hesitated a moment. "Thank you for the advice,
Lieutenant," I said stiffly.
"No prob," Simmons replied. He got up and left the
commissary.
I looked down at my pie. Now what was I supposed to
do?
* * *
Apprehensively I knocked on the front door to Daniel's
apartment. Cassie had helped me choose an outfit that
was casual but nice. I wore dark blue jeans and a
clingy white knit top with three-quarter sleeves and a
low neckline. Cassie had insisted I wear the top after
I told her where I was going, and she did it with a
glint in her eye.
It seemed the whole world knew more about my love life
than I did.
Daniel opened the door and smiled in a surprised
fashion. "Hey! I didn't expect to see you tonight."
"Are you busy?" I asked. He wore a blue sweater that
made his eyes seem brighter and more intense than
usual. Funny, I'd never noticed just how deep a blue
his eyes were behind his glasses.
"Not really." He seemed happy to see me, and yet
guarded. I couldn't blame him, considering the
confession he'd made to me earlier.
"You want come company?" I held out the bottle of
Chardonnay I'd brought over.
"Sure." He held the door open wide so I could come in.
"I was just finishing supper. Do you want something to
eat?"
"No, I'm good."
"I'll just grab some glasses."
He disappeared into the kitchen. I glanced around his
apartment. It was comfortably decorated, and had many
artifacts - mainly ancient Egyptian, as far as I could
tell - placed in various spots, making this
indubitably the home of an archeologist.
Daniel came out of the kitchen carrying two
wineglasses and a corkscrew. I handed him the bottle.
As he opened it, he asked, "So what brings you here,
Janet?"
"Well…" I licked my lips and accepted the glass of
wine he handed me. "I've been thinking about what you
said in the infirmary."
"I see." His voice betrayed no emotion.
"And… I don't know. I came here to see where being
here gets me."
"Janet… I don't want to be rebound guy; the guy you go
after because you can't have his best friend."
I looked down at my wine, not wanting to meet his
gaze. "I'm here because of you, Daniel, not because of
Jack."
"Can you honestly tell me that Jack had no influence
in you coming here?"
"Everything is influenced by everything else." That
sounded lame, even to me. "I can tell you that it was
influenced by other things too."
He took a moment, then nodded slowly. "Okay. Let's see
where this gets us."
* * *
A month later, the only person who knew that Daniel
and I were seeing each other was Cassie. On the base,
we tried to act the way we always did around each
other. I was doing some routine paperwork when I got a
call from the control room. SG-1 was prematurely back
from their mission. Daniel Jackson was hurt.
After hearing that, my mind had to tell my body to
breathe. I knew the day would come when my
professional life would be affected by my personal
life, but I wasn't prepared for it. I swallowed hard.
Right now I had to stop being a girlfriend and start
being a doctor.
Several hours later I sat at Daniel's bedside. He was
asleep, but, thank God, he was going to be okay, as
far as she could tell. The damage had looked messy,
but it hadn't really been too bad.
"Will he be okay?"
I looked up, startled to see Jack standing beside me.
Six weeks ago, I would have sensed his presence from
twenty feet away. Now, I barely cared.
I nodded. "He'll need a few weeks, but he should be
out of the woods."
There was a pause. "How long have you been seeing each
other?" Jack asked.
I looked up again. "What?" I struggled to keep my
voice calm as I tried to figure out whether I wanted
to laugh or cry.
"Oh, come on, Doc. It's obvious. You think I can't see
the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him?"
I nearly choked. He had never noticed when I had been
"looking" at him, why should I have expected him to
see me "looking" at Daniel?
"It's been about a month," I said slowly.
Jack grinned, leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'm
happy for you, Doc." He walked away, leaving me alone
with Daniel's prone form.
I touched my cheek. Nothing. I had felt absolutely
nothing. Jack was just… Jack. No longer was he the
subject of my fantasies.
I smiled down at Daniel. "I love you," I whispered.
=====
Kat
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