The Hardest Thing
by Jammer
TITLE: The Hardest Thing
AUTHOR: Jammer
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Daniel/Janet
SUMMARY: Daniel goes through the hardest thing he can imagine.
SPOILERS: "Broca Divide", "Hathor", "Singularity" "Rite of Passage", "Meridian", and "Fallen (the ep where Danny comes back, right?)".
Spoilers for "Heroes".
DISCLAIMER: Nothing's mine, not the characters or the songs.
Although if the characters were mine, "Heroes" wouldn't happen.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to Meg and Gemmie for the song requests posts as it gave me the third song.
Daniel Jackson walked to his office in silence, thinking about what had happened in the last few days. SG-1 and SG-12 had gone to a planet to give medical aid to the survivors of a Goa'uld attack, taking Janet Frasier with them. Little did they know what would happen next.
The villagers had set them up and they had found their way into an ambush. An airman was down and Daniel had offered to videotape a 'good-bye' to the man's family while Janet attended to him, receiving a staff blast to the back for her trouble.
Daniel walked into his office, slamming the door and locking it behind him. He then immersed himself into the horrible memory of the day before yesterday. He had run over to help Janet, screaming for a medic. He then held her as she died, him begging her to stay. With that he finally let out the emotions he had hidden from everyone. He tore apart his desk, crying, and when he was finished he let out an unearthly cry.
Composing himself, he left his office and went to his on base quarters to prepare himself for one of the hardest days of his life, saying goodbye to one of his dearest friends.
#######################################
Cassandra Frasier walked through the corridors of the SGC, looking for Daniel. She had seen the carnage in his office and so was making her way to his on base quarters. She was the only non-SGC personnel allowed to today's ceremony and the only reason she was was because she knew about the SGC and its work. She originally came for another planet, so she had the necessary clearance to be here.
She knocked lightly on Daniel's door, opening it when she heard a distant "come in". She walked in and immediately ran to him and gave him a hug.
"Daniel, I'm glad you're ok." she said.
"I'm ok physically Cass, but I'm not too good emotionally" Daniel replied "I keep seeing it over and over again."
"Oh, Daniel. I didn't know you were the one that tried to help her." She cried.
"Yeah, I was. I'm so sorry that I couldn't help her Cassie."
"You tried, that's all that counts. Listen, I need to ask something of you."
"Anything for you" Daniel replied.
"After Sam gives the military speech, there will be two eulogies, given by a friend or teammate of the...deceased. I want you to give my Mom's." She explained, her voice breaking.
"Are you sure?" asked Daniel.
"Yes." she replied.
"Ok, Cass. I know what she would've wanted someone to say."
"Thanks, Daniel." With that they hugged each other and silently brought up their favorite memories of Dr. Major Janet Frasier, M.D.
######################################
Down in the gateroom and control room, all the SGC personnel that could gathered. The ceremony went beautifully and now it was time for Daniel Jackson to give the hardest speech of his life.
He walked up there and shakily took a breath. "Thank you all for coming. Cassandra Frasier has asked me to give her mother's eulogy, and I hope it will do justice to the person Major Dr. Janet Frasier, M.D. truly was. To some of us, she was the base's doctor, to others not only was she the doctor but also a dear friend. To Cassandra, she was a loving and devoted mother, and to me she was my doctor, my friend, and my beloved wife."
Pausing to breathe, listening to the gasps and whispers. "Its true, she and I were married not more than five months ago. We kept it a secret as we wanted explore this new territory of our relationship. There are only two people in this room who knew that we were even dating. Cassie and Jack O'Neill were our witnesses and Jack kept the rumor mill quiet about us, which Janet appreciated. We started dating about the time of Cassie's illness and were engaged right before I ascended. When I finally remembered who I was, I went to her and begged her to marry me all over again. Obviously she said yes and we were married within twenty-four hours."
"After the wedding, we talked about our jobs and how someday one of us, most likely me considering I've been declared dead twice, would not come back. We decided that even though it would be very hard we
would say a few words about the other and that we would play three songs that summed up our relationship and us as people. However, she found out that I had a hidden talent and made me promise that I, myself would play and sing one of the songs chosen. I agreed to sing the last song picked and so I will do that at the end."
He took a deep breath and continued on with his speech. " I remember the first time I met Janet. SG-1 had brought home some sort of disease from a place called the Land of Light. Everyone on base except Teal'c, Janet, and I were affected. Teal'c had his symbiont but no one knew why Janet and I weren't having any problems. Turns out, we both had bad allergies so we were taking antihistamines and thus were starving the sickness. I was a bit flippant with her but as Jack would put it 'I was initiating the new Doc'."
"We became friends after an incident that allowed a Goa'uld named Hathor" all the men that remembered groaned at the name "onto the base. Jan and then-Captain Carter organized the ladies and took back the base. After the ruckus, during which she got shot in the arm, she took me aside and told me that if I ever wanted to talk about it, she was willing to listen."
"After my first wife died, it was only her who acted somewhat normal towards me, only saying 'I'm sorry' once and offering to let me confide in her if I needed to. She and I became better friends after that and I finally realized how much she affected me when Cassie got sick. I saw her at her worst and yet, she was still the most beautiful person I'd ever met. After the whole mess, I asked her out, and I never looked back. This woman put my heart back together, along with a lot of other parts of me, and today she has taken it with her, wherever she is. She was one person who definitely made a difference, not only in my life but in many other people's lives as well. In accordance with her wishes, I will play these three songs for her. I thank you for listening."
With that he walked over to the radio Cassie had brought for him. He pushed play and the strains of Van Morrison's _Brown-Eyed Girl_ echoed throughout the room.
'Hey where did we go,
Days when the rains came
Down in the hollow,
Playin' a new game,
Laughing and a running hey, hey
Skipping and a jumping
In the misty morning fog with
Our hearts a thumpin' and you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl.
Whatever happened
To Tuesday and so slow
Going down the old mind
With a transistor radio
Standing in the sunlight laughing,
Hiding behind a rainbow's wall,
Slipping and sliding
All along the water fall, with you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl.
Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
So hard to find my way,
Now that I'm all on my own.
I saw you just the other day,
My how you have grown,
Cast my memory back there, Lord
Sometime I'm overcome thinking 'bout
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium with you
My brown eyed girl
You my brown eyed girl
Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da.'
"That was the song that reminds me most of her." whispered Daniel to his stepdaughter as the next song, _Here Without You_ by 3 Doors Down, began to play.
'A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think
I can look at this the same But all the miles had separate They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go
I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it get hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl it's only you and me.'
After the song had finished, Daniel got up and put away the radio. He then picked up a black guitar case and grabbed a stool someone had brought down from the control room. "This is the one song we both decided we wanted played. This song is the one we first danced
to."
With that he strummed a few chords and then began to sing in a rich baritone _The Dance_ by Garth Brooks.
' Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have
missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance'
"Thanks" Grabbing his guitar, Daniel ran out of the room as fast as his legs would carry him. Cassie followed, while General Hammond dismissed everyone.
Daniel had no clue where he was going, only that he had to get out of the place that took his Janet away from him. Not looking where he was going, he ran into the woods, crashing into a rather large branch which knocked the poor man out.
####################################
Daniel woke up with a start. Where was he? Not in the infirmary, because the sheets were too soft? All of a sudden he felt a hand on his arm.
He knew that touch...he looked over to his right. There was his new wife, his Janet, alive and well. He gathered her up in a hug, crying his happiness into her shoulder. "Is this a dream?" he asked. "Am I
dead?"
"First off, you are not dead, I would know if your heart wasn't beating. No, this isn't a dream either, take a look at the marriage certificate on the table next to you. It was signed this morning, remember?"
The events of the past twenty-four hours reasserted themselves in Daniel's memory. He took a deep breath and sighed in relief.
"What was that all about, Daniel?" Janet demanded in her best I-have-big-needles-so-tell-me voice.
"Just a bad dream, honey, nothing to worry yourself about. Must have been something I ate."
"Okay, If you say so." With that she turned and fell back asleep, while Daniel watched her, thanking everything he held holy that she was safe and that he was the lucky man she loved.
The end.
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