Happily Ever After
Linz
My hand shook as I place my rings on the dresser and reach for the door handle, careful to make no noise.
Taking one last look at the man still sleeping in my bed, I felt the tear-track down across my cheek, he looked so peaceful, relaxed...happy.
The light from the corridor hurt my eyes and I slid out of the door before it woke him, closing it just as softly behind me.
It was all too much, too quickly and I wasn't ready for him to turn my life upside down all over again. I wasn't ready for him to hurt me all over again.
'God I'm sorry Jack, please don't hate me.' I pray silently that he would understand.
With that I moved along the corridor, intent on finding General Hammond to request time for personal leave and then let Janet and Daniel know. At least that way there would be someone to explain to Jack why he was going to wake up and find me gone.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
For the first time in long time there is a smile on my face as I wake up, last night had given me back my smile. Last night had given me back my wife.
I reach for her across the bed and finding no sign of her, I let my eyes roam around the room. Not finding her there either.
Now I *know* it wasn't a dream, I have had enough dreams about my wife to know which are fantasy and which are dead real. Not allowing myself to stay disappointed because she's not here to wake up to, I look at my watch and realise I'd slept longer than usual (that's a shocker after last night!) and she must have had a briefing.
I lie in bed a little longer, re-living last night in all it's exquisite detail, delaying the actual process of getting my ass out of the bed that smells of my wife for as long as I possibly can. Besides, if I'm still in it when she comes back after the briefing... well you know what I'm getting at.
Just then I'm brought out of my daydreams by a knock at the door.
Wondering why she would bother to knock at her own door, I automatically grant entrance. But it isn't Sam who appears, it's Daniel. Just as he is about to start to speak I interrupt.
"Um, Daniel..." I begin, a little flustered, "can you just give me a second here?" Well I am naked under here for crying out loud!
For a second he looks confused, and then I see the light dawn. You know something's never change. "Oh yeah, right... I'll be, um... I'll be outside" and with that he disappears just as quickly. Unable to stop the grin, I haul my ass up and pull on my jeans.
"Ok Daniel, come on in..."
He does as he's asked, but slowly. He even hesitates as he shuts the door. He must be embarrassed... I nearly laugh
"Jeez Daniel, she is my wife you know... it's allowed"
Now I know that it wasn't anything like a joke, but I really didn't expect to see him stiffen when I mention the word "wife". I look more closely at him as I lace up my boots. This time when I see his face, I know something is wrong.
"Jack, there's something I need to tell you..."
"What?"
I feel the fear coil around my stomach, I don't know what he is going to tell me, but judging by his manner I know I'm not going to like it.
"There's not really an easy way to tell you this..."
"Get on with it Daniel..." my voice tight with impatience and fear as he apparently finds something riveting on the floor.
"Sam's gone Jack. She left this morning. Hammond gave her 4 weeks personal leave. She asked me to tell you that's she's sorry..."
I didn't give him chance to finish the sentence. I barged past him, and still half-naked and I head straight for Hammond's office.
^*^*^**^*^**^*^*^*^**^*^
My head leapt from my computer as my door nearly flew off its hinges.
"Where the hell is she?!" he demands, looking like a man only just holding himself from flying apart at the seams.
I close the laptop and look at him,
"I don't know Son, she just asked for personal leave. She said she needed to think"
I know it's not good enough for him, but that is all I know. I'd considered denying her request and ordering her straight back to her husband (who I knew hadn't left the base last night) but I knew better than that. It wouldn't have done any good; she'd have gone anyway.
"And you let her *go*?" I notice that his knuckles are clenched so tightly at his sides.
"I had no choice Jack, you know that" he knows I'm telling him the truth as he rakes a shaking hand through his hair.
"No Sir, I don't suppose you did" and with that he walked out of my office, and I knew, out of the picture.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
I walk slowly back to her room, unseeing and uncaring. I can't think; I can only just breathe.
I open the door and see a figure sat on the bed, and for a wonderful second I think it's her, that this was all some big joke. But it's not. It's Daniel.
"Jack, are you ok?" he edges
"I'm fine Daniel" I lie.
"I don't believe you..."
"Believe it" Ah, sweet detachment.
I walk over and nonchalantly pick up my shirt, putting it on while I search for my jacket. I spot it on the chair by the dresser and wander over to it, paying no attention anything other than the need to leave.
"Jack..." I hear him try once again to talk to me.
But something sparkles on the dresser and two objects seize my attention. I pick them up and feel the small weight of them as they make that rock in my gut even heavier.
Looking at them for a moment, I fight my emotions and finally, I put them both in my pocket and feel the padlock close around my heart.
"Leave it Daniel, it's over..." and with that I walk out of the door, out of the mountain and this time, Swear to God, out of her life for good.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
"Sam, if you won't talk to him, at least talk to me. This isn't healthy,"
I'm getting frustrated with my best friend. She arrived back on the mountain this morning and this was the first time I'd had chance to speak to her (thanks to SG-3 marines not knowing the difference between sharp and not sharp - jar-heads!)
"Janet, trust me I'm fine. I've had time to think and I feel so much better"
"Oh really?" I question, sounding very much like I don't believe her - something that isn't difficult, seeing as how I don't believe her.
"Yes *really*" She finally looks up from her work and sees I'm not going anywhere, so she sighs and carries on.
"Janet, what happened was the result of us being in an intense situation. It was the first time either of us had spoken about anything and the emotions got the better of us," I noticed her eyes glaze slightly "It was a mistake and it's better for us both not to make another"
"Oh well that's ok then," my sarcasm unhidden
"Janet look, he's probably glad I left. Saved him the trouble of having to make any excuses" her shrug was in complete opposition to everything my instincts told me she was feeling. "He said I didn't think last time, well this time I thought a lot, and it really is better this way. We only end up hurting each other when we're together"
I can't help the words that come out of my mouth next, and Daniel's not going to be too happy with me for this either, but she's being so much like Jack right now that I can't help myself.
"Well Sam, maybe you are better apart," She's surprised by my capitulation, but I continue "according to Daniel, he was *ecstatic* the morning you left and when he found your rings he never looked happier! He kept them by the way"
I see her shoulders straighten against my words, but she won't look at me and I know when I'm wasting my breath, so without another word, I leave.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
"Welcome back SG-1, report to the infirmary. Debriefing will be in one hour"
I get three "Yes Sirs" and a head nod as I watch the second incarnation of SG-1leave the room.
They're still good, but they aren't the same. Lt. Bradley works well in the unit; Jack made a good recommendation with her. But there is something missing... and that something is the Major. Oh physically she's there, but she's not the same Major she used to be... she's... detached.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
I walk into the infirmary and sit myself down on my usual bed. Daniel, Teal'c and our rookie, Maria Bradley, are already here. I smile at each one of them in turn, but it's forced. Just like 98% of all my other smiles lately.
"Hey Sam," greets Janet "how'd it go?"
"Oh you know, just tree's and temples. Daniel loved it" we both tensed momentarily. It always happens when I say something "Jackish". As usual, we both ignore it.
"Ok, let's check you over" her briskness covering the tension.
She begins the exam and because I'm tired I let down my guard, I let my mind shut off and the first thing I see is Jack. Jack smiling, Jack wet through in the garden after a water fight, Jack looking at me and telling me that he loves me.
I shake my head to clear the images. I miss him so much, but it really is better this way.
I don't even notice Janet has taken blood until she tells me that I can leave.
So I head to my lab fighting my mind, willing the images to stop. It's even harder now, after that night... that wonderful night. But I'm doing the right thing... I know I am.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
I don't know how long I've been working, losing myself in the research for PX2 932, and it isn't until I hear someone speaking to me that I lift my head.
"Um, Sam... I think we may have a problem here" Janet sounds strange, something is wrong.
Panicked, I look at her... as she walks into my lab with my blood work-up. My eyes convey my worry.
She looks at me, clearly shocked...
"Sam, you're pregnant"
It takes me a second to understand what she has just said to me... "No, I can't be..."
"You are Sam, the blood work is conclusive"
Oh my God! I just thought it was stress, this last two months haven't exactly been easy. I look back at Janet and know it's true. I'm having a baby... I'm having Jack's baby.
"You have to tell him Sam" she doesn't even question the identity of the father, not like there's any doubt.
Oh God, Jack's baby... my heart lurches... Jack's baby.
The very thought bringing so many emotions to the surface. A year ago, before things went wrong, it would have been everything I... *we* ever wanted...but now... oh God.
"I can't Janet, I can't..." I know the tears are in my eyes, but it doesn't stop me from seeing Janet's reaction.
"Samantha Carter, you can tell him and you will! Don't tell me that you are so selfish to deny that man the right to know he's going be a father, to deny your baby its father. I never thought you where such a coward Sam" her voice is low, but full of anger. "You won't see him because you don't have the courage to face him," her eyes rested on my stomach, "that choice has just been taken out of your hands Sam"
She was right, how could I possibly even think I'd not tell him he was going to be a father again. Of course I'll tell him. I wouldn't ever be responsible for taking another child away from him. I moved my hands over my abdomen and in that moment, I was more scared than I had ever been in my life. Because everything I had fought against for the last two months had just been kicked though the window.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
My hand shakes so much as I try to dial the number General Hammond gave me, that it takes me four attempts to hit the right keys.
I can hear the ringing, but my heart is drowning out the noise.
"O'Neill..."
Oh his voice... I missed his voice, so strong and assured.
"Who's there?" I can hear the curiosity and can imagine his eyebrows drawing together as he turns his focus from whatever he was doing to the phone, but I can't seem to find my voice.
"Who is this?" The irritation obvious now, I finally was able to work my voice past the lump in my throat.
"It's me Jack..."
I hear his breath catch and know that I have stunned him, but he quickly gets his emotions under control.
"What do you want?" Oh his voice is so cold...no emotion, purely professional. What else did I expect? Other than him to slam the phone down on me?
"I need to speak to you" If he can do professional, so can I.
"So speak" I hate it when he does this, but for once I let it go because I can't blame him.
"Not over the phone, this is important..." I'm trying so hard to keep my voice neutral, but his next words stop that happening.
"What? You want to make sure you did a good enough job on me last time?" Finally the mask cracks, part of me wishes it hadn't, because hatred drips from every word and the tears begin.
"Please Jack, I need to see you..." he's heard my tears, I can tell because the hate has gone, but the emptiness is worse.
"Well that's too damn bad *Major*, because there is nothing that you could *possibly* say to me to make me want to be in the same building as you, let alone the same room!" Ok, the use of my rank made it impersonal, dismissing me almost... but I have to finish this.
"Damn you Jack, will you just listen to me..."
"No I won't... goodbye..." before he can dismiss me completely I butt in, desperately.
"I'm pregnant Jack"
I don't even know if he heard me, because the line went dead.
Daniel pulled me into his chest as I cried.
^*^*^*^^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^^*^
"Son of a *bitch*!" I scream as I stare at the phone... willing the damn thing to reconnect.
She calls me up after two months of nothing and drops something like that on me?
'Hey Jack, sorry about leaving your ass literally hanging, oh by the way I'm having your child. Thought you'd like to know... bye' My thoughts ignite my temper and I slam my fist on the desk sending the contents bouncing skyward.
I stand, pushing the chair back so hard that I no longer have a model of an F-16, or the table on which it stood.
I can't believe she's doing this to me? She puts me through hell and back and then for a kick, "Jack I'm pregnant" What the hell am I supposed to do with that, other than hit something?
I swear to God, I have never come closer to wanting to do physical harm to any woman before, but now... Christ I'm sorely tempted...
I walk over to my mirror, the anger I feel threatening to make me lose it completely, but as I watch my own reflection, something inside of me gives.
She's having my baby, I'm going to be a father again.
The sweetness of that thought deflates my temper, "Thank you", I whisper to who ever is listening.
My minds eye shows images long removed from my consciousness... playing catch, telling stories... but the one thing that really hits home... a simple hug from something that loves you completely and unconditionally.
God I want to be a father again, so much that I actually ache with the need and Sam has given me that chance.
Sam.
The woman who has consistently ripped me to pieces has just given me something I would have died to get. The woman I swore I'd never see again...
It seems I have a choice doesn't it?
"Son of a *BITCH*!!!"
Oops, there goes the mirror...
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
"Major, we've sent word to the Tok'ra, Jacob should be arrive in the next 36 hours"
"Thank you General"
"He's going to be thrilled Major,"
"I know he will be Sir"
"Now, Dr. Fraiser tells me that it's in the best interest for you and your child to be taken off field duty until the baby arrives, so as you requested, I'm reassigning you to SG-12 Research. I know SG-1 will miss you, but I want to see the first SG baby arrive safe and well"
My smile is mirrored on her face, but it doesn't really reach her eyes.
She's still in shock and I can't say I blame her, she only found out this morning and spent this afternoon crying over a phone call. But she's being efficient again now... professional.
"Thank you Sir"
As she stands to leave, I know I can't let her go without saying something.
"It'll be alright Sam, you only have to ask anything of us and you'll get it. You know that don't you?"
"Yes Sir, I do and thank you. I needed to hear..." her next words are cut short, as my door (which has taken a beating recently) is slammed open.
Her shock is physically tangible as a very uncompromising Jack O'Neill barges through. Before I can do or say anything, he charges over to her and picks her up, swinging her into his arms as if she weighed nothing at all. She's too shocked to react as he starts walking the same way he came in, without so much as a 'how do you do' to either of us.
I stand quickly and follow, because that's just rude in my book.
"Colonel, what the Hell are you doing?!"
Without even glancing back he carries on, it's only as he starts down the stairs that he shouts back.
"Exactly what it looks like General, I'm kidnapping my wife... my *pregnant* wife"
Fair enough.
I return to my office to place a call to the SF's on guard. It wouldn't do for them to be killed because they ask him to sign out, now would it?
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Reality comes crashing down around me as we reach the elevator and Jack punches the button for the surface using his foot, because his hands are occupied in an iron tight grip on me.
"Jack, what are you doing?" I struggle, but its useless, he's not going to let me go.
"I told you, I'm kidnapping you" He doesn't even look at me, just stares at the doors.
"You can put me down, I can walk you know" I keep my voice soft, touched that he's here.
"Oh I know all about your ability to walk sweetheart, you're very good at walking as I remember. But it usually entails you walking *out* doesn't it?"
His anger is palpable, but it only serves to spark my own.
"Only because you usually make me!" I spit back.
He releases me then and then he hits the emergency stop button so hard I think he might have broke either the panel or his knuckles.
"First time maybe, second time was all your own doing" he ground the words out from behind a jaw so tense that a muscle in his cheek was dancing a samba. "You left me, *again*. You walked out without so much a note and you left *Daniel* to pick up the pieces. I never took you as a coward Sam, but even after I thought we'd... we'd... God Sam, that night was amazing and yet you walked out without even telling me why!"
"Now you know what it feels like... how it feels to have no idea why someone pushes you away and have to wait months for them to explain!" I want to hurt him as his words have just hurt me, and I do...
"That's why? Some petty revenge kick? What, you lure me in just so you can show me what it's like to be you?"
I can see the disbelief in his eyes, knowing that if I confirm his accusation I'll never ever see him again. How can I confirm it though when it isn't true? My fury drains out of me and just leaves me feeling exhausted, but I remain squared up to him in the confines of the elevator.
"No, that's not why" I confess, as tears fill my eyes "I was scared Jack, I was scared of loving you again and it all going wrong. I couldn't live through losing you again"
His shoulders drop, he looks as bad as I feel.
"So you decided you wouldn't even try?"
Have you ever heard Jack O'Neill sound defeated? In that moment I did, and I don't ever want to hear him sound like that again.
"Jack, just because we'd finally talked, didn't mean everything was going to go back to how it used to be, it doesn't work that way" I wanted to touch him, but I didn't.
"Christ Sam, contrary to common opinion, I'm not stupid. I know it wasn't back to your fairytale, but I thought when you put the rings back on, you at least wanted to *try*" He couldn't stop his voice breaking, and I couldn't stop my heart doing the exact same thing. "You'll never know how I felt when I saw your rings on the dresser that morning..."
"Yes I do, because I know how I felt when I took them off"
I watched as so many emotions flickered across his face and he didn't even try to hide them. Suddenly, his eyes cleared, as if he'd come to a massive decision. He reached around his neck and pulled on a long gold chain. Before I knew what he was doing, he'd unfastened the chain and let two objects slide into his hand.
"So put them back on..."
Oh God. Did he know what he was asking?
I stare at my rings in his hand, of course he knew what he was asking... and in that exact second I knew the answer, to everything.
"No Jack" his eyes flashed with an unbelievable pain as he lowered his head, but I hadn't finished.
"You put them on for me"
His head shot up, disbelief written across his face. But as I stared into those deep eyes, he smiled and lifted up my left hand. Using deliberate movements, he placed the rings at the top of my finger, they were still warm from his body... "God help you if you don't mean it, because I won't let you go again" his vow sealed as he slid them back where they belonged.
"I won't be going anywhere Jack, I promise" and as I looked into his eyes, he knew it was the truth. We still had a lot to work through, but we needed each other to do it.
"Good, cause I'm not going to come looking for you again!" He laughed then, a real laugh and I realised in that moment that nothing was worth losing him for. And as our lips met, I fell harder than ever before.
"I didn't think you'd come looking for me this time" I finally said when we surfaced.
"Are you kidding? You tell me we're having a baby and you expect me to stay put?" He's laughing at me again, but I feel my heart clench. He sees it too.
"So you wouldn't have come back otherwise?" I choke back tears.
"No, I wouldn't have, you can't have expected me too. I'd followed you twice before and each time you ran away. I wouldn't have done it again, no matter how much I hurt without you. I wouldn't have let you do that to me again"
God they say the truth hurts... they're right, he opened his mouth to carry on, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear anymore.
He tilted my chin up, giving me no option but to look and listen.
"Sam, no more hiding from truths, just listen to me. The baby might be why I came back, but it's not the reason I want to stay... I love you and I want you in my life, I want both of you in my life" he said as he put his hand on my stomach.
I placed my hand on his cheek, knowing that this was what we had never done before... talked honestly. This was what we had to do if we wanted to survive, and I knew in that moment that I wanted that more than anything else in the world.
"You've got us Jack" and I sealed my vow with my lips.
Little did I know that deep below us, four people where crowed around a small security monitor laughing, crying, cheering and hugging at what they witnessed in an elevator stuck between levels 7 and 8.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
I walk quietly through our house, knowing exactly where I'm going... a little blue room, so recently occupied with the most precious little boy in the world.
As I get to the door, I hesitate, seeing our son cradled so lovingly to his daddy that you couldn't see daylight between them. I decide not to go in when I hear Jack's voice.
"So Jacob O'Neill, I think its time for your first official bedtime story..."
I just stand and listen, a smile fixed to my face as Jack continued.
"Once upon a time, there was a very stupid Colonel called Jonathon who married a very clever Major called Samantha..."
My smile widens as I hear him tell our son our fairytale.
"...After everything that happened, they finally learned that they could have everything they ever wanted, including a little son," he kisses the top of Jake's head, "and that Jake is your first fairytale..."
I walk up behind my husband and kiss him gently.
"You forgot the best part" I admonish.
"No I didn't, I was just getting to it when we were so rudely interrupted," lifting our son higher so he can fix his already brown eyes onto us both, Jack spoke.
"...And Little Jake, after much hard work, they really did live 'Happily Ever After'"
And we did.
THE END.
Thank you for reading :)
Feedback would be lovely.
Happily Ever After - Copyright to Lindsay Allen, September 2001.
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