Found
by Amanda


E-MAIL: fraiser_jackson@yahoo.com
SERIES: This is the prequel to "Lost" and "Gone".
RATING: PG
SEASON: Seven
SPOILERS: Based around `Lifeboat', so spoilers for that and other various eps throughout seasons 1-5.
CATEGORY: Dan/Jan, angst, missing/alternate scene.
SUMMARY: none
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. I'm not making money…blah, blah, blah
AUTHOR'S NOTES: To Meg, because I value I life. ;)
I started writing this a while ago and then other plot bunnies came calling and this was put on hold. I'm kind of really proud of this one, even though it took me forever to finish it. I changed the events of Lifeboat slightly to fit my needs, hope you don't mind. Special thanks to Katie for reading and encouraging and to Jammer for giving it a read-through before I posted. And thanks to all of you who gave me such great feedback on `Lost' and `Gone'; this probably wouldn't have been written if it weren't for that. Enjoy.


"And you still don't realize who you are talking to!"

"I don't give a damn! You don't belong in that man's body and I intend to take it back!"

Strong hands took hold of Janet's shoulders, pushing her backward into the wall. Fingers dug into her through her clothes, marring her skin. "You will not take this body from me," a man's voice growled.

The hands tightened on her, watching the evident pain in her eyes before finally being pulled away by the guards from the door. Sitting on the bed, he watched the woman walk out of the room, her shoulders squared, ignoring the looks of her friends and the people around her.

~*~*~

Daniel woke with a start. `Oh my God,' he thought. `Did I do that to Janet?'

It had been two days since he had become a lifeboat for the people of Talthus. Janet had told him that he most likely would not remember what had happened while the other personalities were in control because of the coma-like state his mind had gone into. So far he hadn't, until that dream. Truthfully though, how did he know if that had really happened?

But that dream had seemed so real. Those hands in that dream had been his, Daniel's. And it had been his voice. He had been the one trying to crush Janet's small frame. He had the marks on his wrists from pulling against restraints to prove it. And hadn't he occasionally seen Janet rubbing her shoulders while he was in the infirmary?

"Oh God," he whispered. "If that really happened…Janet must hate me…"

But surely she would know that it wasn't him, that it was Martice and he had been just a little mad…she had to know that, right?

What if she didn't? What if she thought he had enjoyed hurting her like that? Martice certainly had. Had some small part of him wanted to hurt Janet? Is that why this was the only thing he had remembered from that time? If so, what would make him want to do that?

What would make him want to hurt the woman he was sure he loved?

Settling back into bed, he decided he had some thinking to do before trying to talk to Janet.

~*~*~

The next day, Daniel sat in his lab, trying to focus on an artifact SG-4 had brought back. Trying was the operative word. He couldn't concentrate on anything but the dream he had had the night before.

He could almost feel Janet's shoulders under his hands when he thought about it. He kept hearing his voice, not Martice's, yelling at her. The woman he loved.

He didn't know how it had happened, but it had. And he wasn't the least bit sorry. Since descending, he had begun to notice things about Janet that he couldn't remember noticing before.

The way her smile lit up a room, the smell of her perfume. Little things that really wouldn't mean a whole lot to him otherwise. It was quite possible that this had been going on even before he'd ascended and he'd just been too blind to see it. When Cassie was sick maybe, or even before that. It didn't matter really when it had happened.

Somewhere along the line, he'd fallen in love with her. And now, they were avoiding each other. Sure, when he had first come back after the whole incident, she was right there, talking with him and smiling. But earlier, in the mess, they barely said one word to one another. He didn't know how she felt about him and if they continued the way they were, he never would.

As he was musing on the thought of seeking Janet out and making her talk to him, Jack walked into the lab, leaning against the door frame.

"What's up, Danny?"

Startled, Daniel looked up. "Jack, please don't do that again."

"Sorry. So what's up?"

"Not much. I'm trying to figure out this artifact but I can't focus on it enough to do anything with it. You?"

Jack laughed. "What's this? The great Daniel Jackson can't figure out his rocks?"

"Very funny. And they're artifacts, Jack. So what are you up to?" Daniel removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose before putting them back on.

"Oh, ya know, just thought I'd avoid my mountain of paperwork. What's on your mind?"

Daniel sighed. "I just had a weird dream last night."

Jack did his best Teal'c impression and raised an eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"

"Were you watching when I…I mean Martice, attacked Janet?" Jack nodded and he continued. "I dreamt that it was me; that I was the one holding onto her. I could actually feel her underneath my hands, how hard I was squeezing. I wouldn't be surprised if she had bruises for the next two months because of me."

Jack looked at Daniel, slightly surprised. "It wasn't you, Daniel. And Janet knows that."

"I know, I know. But it doesn't change my dream and the fact that it's the only thing I can remember about what happened. It felt like me in that dream, Jack. She told me that I wouldn't remember anything about that time. So why can I remember that?"

The room was silent for the next few minutes as Daniel reflected and Jack tried to think of another way to get Daniel to calm down. Finally, Jack spoke. "Look, Daniel…I know how you feel about the Doc, I see it in your eyes when you look at her. You're just going to have to trust that she knows it wasn't you in that room." He paused briefly at the shocked look on the younger man's face. "Now come on, let's go bug Carter and Teal'c."

Sighing, Daniel replied, "I really don't think that will make me feel better. And is it really that obvious?"

"Probably not, but bugging them will be fun for me. Let's go." Grabbing Daniel's elbow, Jack pulled him from his stool. "And it is to me because I know you. I saw how you looked at Sha're…and that's how you look at Janet."

Daniel groaned as Jack pulled him away from the lab table. He hadn't realized that his feelings were that obvious. No wonder Janet was avoiding him…she was probably scared of what she saw in his eyes.

`And why wouldn't she be', he asked himself as the pair made their way to Carter's lab. `If I had someone looking at me like I apparently look at Janet, I would be a little frightened too, especially if I didn't feel the same.'

`God, what if she doesn't feel the same? Then what will I do?' He wouldn't be able to face her every day knowing his feelings and that they weren't reciprocated.

They reached Sam's lab and Jack walked in, pulling Daniel with him. "Hey, Carter."

"Sir. Is there something I can do for you two?" she asked, without looking up from whatever she was working on.

"Sure there is. You can assure Daniel here that Doc Fraiser doesn't hate him."

Sam finally looked up from the lab table, her eyes focusing on the annoyed archaeologist. "Hate you? Daniel, why on Earth would Janet hate you?"

Jack interrupted before Daniel could get a word out. "That's what I've been asking him, Carter. He's convinced that she does, won't listen to a word I say."

Daniel opened his mouth to defend himself but Teal'c entered the room. "O'Neill, I was told I would find you here."

"What do you need, buddy?"

"I have just left the infirmary. Doctor Fraiser has extended the three of us an invitation to her house this evening."

Daniel felt as if his whole world had just collapsed. Janet had only invited three of them…there were four people in the room. Someone had just been left out and he was pretty sure it had been him.

Seeing the look of dismay on Daniel's face at the mention of just three of them getting invited, Jack asked, "Why only three of us?"

It was Sam who answered his question. "That would be because Janet knows I have a date tonight, Sir. So I'm not invited."

Relief washed over Daniel at Sam's answer. He had truly thought Janet meant to exclude him. But Janet wouldn't be that mean, he chided himself. Even if she was afraid of him.

Jack was stunned, to say the least. "You've got a date, Carter?"

"Is that so hard to believe, Sir?"

"Umm…no, it isn't. I'm just a little surprised, is all." Turning back to Teal'c and Daniel, he said, "I guess it's just the three of us and the doc, then, huh?"

"Indeed," came the Jaffa's answer.

Daniel was so much in his own little world, thinking about the possibility of Janet purposely not inviting him that he didn't notice Sam asking Jack and Teal'c to leave so she could talk to him privately.

He was brought out of his musings by the sound of the door shutting behind Teal'c and Jack as they left. "Now, would you care to explain why you think Janet hates you?" She pointed to the stool across from her, indicating that there would be no way for him to avoid her question.

He sat down, thinking about the best way to begin. "I'm sure you know what Martice did to Janet while he was in control of my body. Well, last night I dreamed that *I* was the one who attacked her. And it scared me. I could feel the anger coursing though me when I went after her. For all intents and purposes, it was me. Jack doesn't see how Janet could hate me. My question is, how could she not? I attacked her, grabbed her so hard I left bruises. She would have to be crazy to let something like that go."

Not knowing what to say, Sam just stared at the man in front of her, her mouth slightly parted in shock. "What are you talking about, Daniel? You can't possibly believe *you* would do something like that?"

"Why wouldn't it be possible? I was obviously able to come through once during that time. I could have done it again." He didn't want to be there, talking to Sam, he wanted to be alone, so he could wallow in self-pity. Why was he still here?

"And if you had been able to come through again? What reason would you have had to attack Janet?" Sam couldn't remember ever seeing Daniel so quiet.

He sighed. "God, Sam, I don't know. If I did, it would probably make this easier. Every time I close my eyes I see my hands digging into her shoulders. After my dream last night, I couldn't sleep. I was up all night thinking about her." Oops, he'd said too much. Sam didn't really need to know that little tidbit.

There was silence as Daniel debated telling Sam about his feelings for Janet. If she knew, she might be able to help him figure out a way to talk to her. She might even give him a hint about Janet's feelings toward him.

"Sam, if I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?" He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, but he couldn't turn back now.

"Of course, Daniel."

Taking a deep breath, he admitted, "I love her."

Watching Sam, he saw the biggest smile he had ever seen from her. "That's great."

"Great? Why is that great? She hates me."

Sighing, she stood and moved in front of him. "Daniel, for the last time, Janet Fraiser does *not* hate you. Trust me. If you don't believe me, talk to her. In fact, you should be talking to her anyway. It's great because…well, if you want to know, you're just going to have to talk to her."

Now Daniel was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Talk to her, Daniel."

"I will. Tonight. That will give me some time to think."

She smiled, briefly grabbing his hand. "Can I give you one piece of advice?"

"Sure."

"If you want to try and start something with her, take it slow. I don't know if you know a whole lot about what Janet's past relationships have been like, but she's been hurt before, in more ways than one. Be careful. She's my best friend; I don't want to see her hurting, especially because of you."

"I'm not going to hurt her, Sam. At least not on purpose. And what do you mean `in more ways than one'?"

"I know that, Daniel. I'm just putting it out there. And I think you'd better ask Janet about that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date to get ready for."

She grabbed some things from her work bench and left, leaving Daniel alone to think about what she had said. She didn't want to leave things like that, knowing Daniel's active imagination, but she thought it would be best for Janet to be telling him those things. It wasn't her place to say something, especially not knowing how Janet would react to her telling him.

~*~*~

Daniel leaned against the sliding glass door that led to Janet's porch, watching as the lady of the house leaned against the railing. She had excused herself in between hands of the card game they were playing and made her way to the porch. Naturally, he had followed, intending to talk to her in private. But so far, he hadn't been able to make his way onto the porch to actually talk.

He had only gotten as far as the sliding glass door.

Looking out at her, he saw the moonlight reflecting off her hair. Even in the soft light of the moon, he could see the bruises. Dark spots on both her shoulders, sticking out against her pale skin. The tank top she wore clearly displayed the marks. There was no debating that his dream had been real now, whether it was him or Martice.

Whether his apprehension to go to her was due to a fear of not knowing what to say or the fear of rejection, he couldn't be sure. However, knowing that Janet wouldn't be outside forever, he finally worked up the courage to open the door and step onto the porch. Trying not to startle her, he quietly asked, "Janet?"

She turned to face him, smiling. "Daniel. I was wondering when you were going to come out here."

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused. He moved to stand next to her at the railing.

"I could feel someone back there, watching me. Sam told me about your earlier conversation, so I just figured it would be you."

"Oh." He didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

She looked at him and laughed at the confused look on his face. "I'm glad you finally decided to come out."

A good thing, apparently. "Why's that?"

"Because I think we need to talk. There's obviously something making us both uncomfortable here, otherwise we wouldn't have avoided each other earlier. And you wouldn't have just debated for the last ten minutes whether to talk to me or go back to playing cards with the colonel and Teal'c."

"How did you..." Had it really been that long? Apparently time didn't matter when he was around her.

"I'm very observant," she laughed. "Now, who wants to go first?"

"I will, if you don't mind," he said, looking down at her.

She smiled up at him. "Not at all. But I do want to say one thing first."

"What's that?"

"I don't hate you, Daniel."

It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, hearing those words from her. He grinned. "Thank you."

Neither spoke for a minute or two. Daniel finally spoke, breaking the silence that had enveloped them. "Where should I start?"

"Wherever you want," Janet replied.

"Okay. Last night, I had a disturbing dream. In that dream, I was the one who attacked you the other day. It wasn't Martice, it was me. I heard myself talking; I could feel you under my hands. When I woke up, I didn't know if that had really happened but it scared me nonetheless. And then I remembered seeing you rubbing your shoulders and realized it had happened, while I was in my coma. Jack had told me some of what happened while I was out of it and I came to the conclusion that Martice had gone after you. But in my dream, it was me. I didn't know what to do with that. I couldn't get past that I was the one who hurt you. And then Sam made a comment about you being hurt before, in more ways than one. My imagination got the best of me. No wonder you were avoiding me, I reminded you of your abusive ex."

"My abusive ex? Sam told you my ex-husband was abusive?" She was slightly surprised…Sam knew everything about her past relationship and that she didn't want people to know about it. Why would she tell Daniel?

"She didn't tell me so much as make a comment that my mind went running with. She never said anything about you being married. All she said was that you had been hurt before, in more ways than one and then she took off to get ready for her date. I just drew my own conclusions. And I guess I was right, wasn't I?"

This was not exactly been how she had planned on Daniel finding out about her marriage. But, it was too late to turn back now. "Yes," was all she said.

He could tell Janet was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken, but continued, knowing he had to get out everything he needed to say. "So after my conversation with Sam, I knew you had a good reason to be avoiding me. That day, in the iso room…I reminded you of your ex-husband, didn't I?"

She shook her head. "No, *you* didn't. *Martice* did. I'm not going say that I wasn't reminded of my ex that day, because that would be a lie. But Daniel, I had spent however long with the man inside your body. Don't you think I would have been able to tell the difference between you and a raving lunatic?"

He laughed. "Well, there was that one time…"

"Yeah, but that was when you had been acting like a lunatic, not someone else inside you."

"True."

"And for the record, my ex-husband wasn't physically abusive all the time. He just liked to yell and say things to hurt me. He hit me once and then I left."

"I'm sorry."

`Leave it to Daniel to feel sorry for something he had nothing to do with,' she thought. "Why? Don't be sorry. I'm not. I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for him."

Looking out over Janet's back yard, he didn't know what to say in response, so he just said nothing, hoping she would continue.

Noting his silence, she went on. "What I mean is, if it hadn't been for my ex husband calling me names and telling me I would never amount to anything in "this man's army" or as a doctor, I wouldn't have fought so hard to prove him wrong, even after we divorced. I wouldn't have become one of the best doctors in my field, therefore I wouldn't have been sent to the SGC. I wouldn't know you, Sam, the colonel or Teal'c. I wouldn't have Cassie if it weren't for my ex- husband. And while I was a little wary of taking her in at first, I couldn't imagine not having her in my life now."

Still, Daniel remained quiet.

"But, that wasn't the main reason I was avoiding you," she admitted.

Finally turning to look at her, he caught sight of a sly smile on her lips. "Care to share?"

"Not really, no. But I guess I don't really have a choice now, do I?"

"Hey, you brought it up. Don't blame me."

"I know."

There was a short, comfortable silence where they simply looked into each other's eyes before Daniel tore his gaze away from Janet's. He could easily have lost himself in those eyes, but he knew he had to hear her out before doing something he would regret. So he went back to looking out over her backyard, which, unfortunately, wasn't as nice to look at as Janet.

She let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "The reason is this: I was confused. And a little scared, but not of you."

"I don't understand."

`Of course not.' "What I'm saying is that I frightened myself. I let my emotions take over that day. And while it may have only been for a short period of time, I let how I feel cloud my judgment. I *yelled* at my patient, Daniel. Doctors should never yell at their patients. And there was no excuse for it, other than I was afraid I was losing you; that I had lost you. After the guards pulled Martice away from me, I couldn't believe what I had just done. I try hard to keep my personal feelings for my friends away from my job but I couldn't then. And I was scared, because I didn't want to think about what it might mean."

Gathering up the courage to look at her for the first time since she began talking, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"If it had been Jack, or Teal'c, or even Sam in that iso room, I wouldn't have had such a problem. For some reason, when it comes to you, my objectivity becomes blurred." She didn't know if she was ready to admit what she was about to, but she figured there was no time like the present. She had to, she knew that, or she would slowly be driven mad, never knowing what could have been. But that didn't help quell the nervousness that was quickly taking over her. She took a few steadying breaths.

He was still looking out over the yard so she stepped closer to get his attention. When she knew she had it, his eyes intently locked with hers, she continued. "I thought I was going to lose you, Daniel. Again. After you'd just come home. I was scared, my nerves were shot. I was going to lose you for the second time and I had never told you what I felt for you. I let my feelings for you get in the way and that scared me. But what scared me the most was that I wasn't as upset about that as I should have been. I wanted Martice and all the rest of them gone so I could have you back."

Daniel said nothing, too stunned to speak. What was she getting at? She took another step toward him and reached for his hand, which rested on the railing. When her palm landed lightly on the back of his hand, he could feel the electricity passing between them. They were barely touching and yet to him, the feeling was as strong as if he had his arms wrapped around her. He let out a small sigh at the touch.

She looked up at him, giving him a small smile. "I think this conversation has been building up, just waiting for us to stop being so blind. Even since before you ascended, there's been something going on between us. We've both just been too stubborn to see it or do anything about it. Daniel—"

"Janet, wait." The look in her eyes nearly broke his heart. She pulled her hand away from his as if she'd been burnt. She thought he was rejecting her. God, why am I so stupid when it comes to things like this? He wondered.

She backed away from him, stopping a few feet away. She turned to face the house, her back against the railing. "I thought—"

"Janet, let me finish. Please." He moved cautiously toward her, pleased to see that she stayed where she was, not moving further away. "I'm not very good at this, so I'm sorry if I just gave you the wrong impression. I'm not trying to send you away. I just wanted to give you my side of things before you said whatever it was you were going to say."

Janet nodded and Daniel again stepped closer to her. This time, he moved so that he was right in front of her. "I was scared, too; scared that I had pushed you away. You weren't talking to me, let alone looking at me. I didn't know what to think, what to do. I thought I was losing one of my best friends and I didn't know how to stop it. But then I realized that you aren't just a friend to me anymore, Janet. You're right, this started before I ascended and we never did anything about it. But I can't go on living like this."

"What are you saying, Daniel?" she asked quietly.

Daniel gently brought a hand to her cheek. "I'm saying that I want to start a relationship with you. I'm saying that I am in love with you."

She closed her eyes at his words and when she opened them again, there were tears in her eyes. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I'm in love with you too."

They smiled at each other, thankful that their misunderstandings had been cleared up. Daniel's other hand found its way to her hip and he leaned down to close the distance between them. As their kiss escalated, Daniel's right hand moved across her cheek, down her neck and to her shoulder. She pulled away sharply and he realized that his hand had come to rest directly on the bruises from her encounter with Martice.

"God, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine."

One look at her told him she was, in fact, not fine. "What's wrong?"

"What if something like this happens again? I can't lose you, Daniel. Not again. Not after what I went through the first time."

"I'm not going anywhere."

She shook her head. "You don't know that, especially with gate travel. You never know what could happen. Just look at how many times you've been in the infirmary over the last few years."

"Yes, but now I've got reason to end up there. Seriously Janet, I will be more careful. And with you waiting for me at the SGC, why wouldn't I be?" He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. "I'm here and I'm not leaving."

Janet relaxed into his embrace. She knew things weren't going to be perfect, but at least they could try. They stayed like that for a few more minutes until Daniel pulled away. "We should probably go see what kind of trouble Jack and Teal'c have gotten themselves into in our absence."

"Yeah. Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"How long do you think this would have taken us if this whole situation hadn't happened?"

"Longer than is should have. It's already taken us longer than it should have. We're very oblivious people, apparently." He took her hand and started to lead her back to the living room.

"I guess so."

Entering the living room, they found Jack and Teal'c trying to build a house of cards. They weren't getting very far. When Jack saw that the couple was holding hands, he turned to Teal'c. "Well, I think our work here is done."

"Indeed."

"We'll be taking our leave now. Doc, Daniel…it was fun."

Teal'c bowed his head slightly and then they were gone, leaving Daniel and Janet alone.

"You want something to drink?"

"Sure."

They went into the kitchen and Janet got them both drinks. Then they went back into the living room and sat on the loveseat. Daniel had one arm around Janet's shoulders and she was leaning into him. "Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked.

"Janet, I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"We don't have to do anything, Daniel. I just want to be with you, to know that you're actually here."

"Okay. I'll stay." Finished with his drink, he placed his glass on the table in front of him; Janet's too when she gave it to him before he settled back on the couch. Making himself comfortable, he leaned back against the arm rest, pulling Janet with him so she lay on his chest. "Actually, I don't feel like moving from this spot."

Smiling, she said, "Well, unless you want to spend the night alone on this very uncomfortable loveseat, you're going to have to. I'm going to my bed." She went to get up but he wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh no you don't. You're going to stay right here with me until I feel like getting up." To illustrate his point, he hugged her tightly against him. "Would you really just leave me here like that?"

"Of course not. I thought it might motivate you to get moving. I'm not spending the night here when my bed is just down the hall." Daniel loosened his hold on her, allowing her to get up. She grabbed one of his hands and pulled him up. "Come on, let's go to bed."

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