Falling Asleep
by Vicki
E-MAIL: little_miss_likes_to_fight@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: angst, future story, romance
SPOILERS: “Singularity”
SEASON/SEQUEL: Future season
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: character death
PAIRING: Daniel/Janet
SUMMARY: Daniel has to face another loss in his life.
STATUS: Complete
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property
of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan
fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no
infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously
unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the
author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and
not intended by the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, I’ve written a Jack mourning Sam, a Sam mourning Jack
and a Janet mourning Daniel. All that was left to do was Daniel mourning
Janet so here it is! Suggested kleenex warning
He had never expected this. How could he have predicted something like this
happening? When the call had come, he had been stunned into silence.
Dropping the phone may have been a cliché, but he did it anyway as he lost
all feeling in his hands and his knees gave way beneath him as he slumped to
the floor. The hollow “I’m sorry” echoed in his mind, as he bowed his head
forward, resting it on his knees as the first salty tears began to fall. He
wasn’t military; he didn’t have to remain detached and unemotional.
He didn’t know how long he sat there in his hall, the phone remaining where
he had dropped it. He could hear the birds singing and the sounds of
children playing happily outside, and the bright sunlight of the summer’s
day shone in, illuminating the grief-stricken man.
He had allowed himself to fall in love again, only to lose this woman to
human stupidity. He had travelled the galaxy through alien technology for
over six years, and was still there, albeit only justly. She on the other
hand, had rarely ventured through the Stargate for she was too valuable at
the SGC. They had been fighting the greatest enemy mankind had ever known,
and she had been knocked down by a drunk driver in Colorado Springs. She
didn’t even have the luxury of having the best doctor he had ever known
working on her, for she had been that doctor.
“Daniel?” A curious voice cut into his misery, and he looked up at the
alien teenager whom SG-1 had rescued during the first year of the SGC
operations. “Are you alright?”
Doctor Daniel Jackson, the anthropologist and archaeologist of SG-1, looked
up at Cassandra Fraiser, who had returned home from the US Air Force
Academy, where she was in her first year, for a weekend. Tears were still
glistening in the man’s eyes, and Cassandra dropped down beside him, worry
present on her youthful face. “Daniel, what’s wrong?”
“Cassie, I’ve got some bad news for you,” Daniel began, wondering how he was
going to break it to the eighteen-year-old. Cassandra had lost her entire
family, her entire village, when she was twelve back on her home planet of
Hanka, and he really didn’t want to have to be the bearer of such bad news.
“What is it?” Cassandra asked, the fear evident in her voice. She had
never seen Daniel like this in all the years that she had known him, and
this scared her. She had only ever seen his best friend Jack look like
this, when Sam had been taken over by a Goa’uld, and that was a good few
years ago. She knew that whatever news her adopted-father was going to give
her wasn’t going to be good.
“I’ve just received a phone call from the Academy Hospital,” Daniel began
again, his voice already feeling as though it was going to fail him. And
even once he had told Cassie, he knew that there would be a number of other
people he would have to call or inform. At least the hospital would call
her parents; he knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle having to break the
news that their eldest daughter was dead. He took Cassie’s small hands in
his own, and noticed that she was trembling. “Sweetheart, Janet was rushed
into the ER there two hours ago. She’d been knocked down by a drunk
driver.”
“But she’s okay right?” Cassie asked, looking at him with fear and horror.
She was pale, and Daniel wished that he didn’t have to continue.
“Cassie, Janet died about half an hour ago,” Daniel informed her quietly,
watching as her face turned a deathly white then rather green.
“No,” she choked, and Daniel pulled her into his arms and held her close.
“She can’t be dead. She called me this morning to see if I was coming home,
and said that she was going over to Sam’s for lunch, then going shopping
this afternoon if there was anything I wanted. You’re lying!” She pulled
back from him, refusing to accept the truth.
“Oh God I wish I was,” he replied. “According to the doctor I spoke with,
she suffered massive internal injuries, and it was just too extensive. They
tried to save her but couldn’t. Cassandra, they worked on her for over
half-an-hour trying to bring her back to us, but they couldn’t. She’s dead
sweetheart. We’ve got to accept that.”
He was vaguely aware of the tears that were trickling down his cheeks again
as he held out his arms for the teenager who gladly accepted the physical
comfort he was offering. They clung to each other, Cassie mourning a second
mother lost, and Daniel trying to deal with having his fragile heart
shattered.
Daniel had thought that he had no more tears left to cry, but he was proven
wrong as they continued to cascade down onto Cassie’s shoulder. However,
his were silent as she sobbed her heart out. Eventually, she calmed down
and was taking in short breaths as Daniel patted and rubbed her back
comfortingly. He tried to think of something to say, but knew that nothing
would bring her any comfort during this traumatic experience.
The face that looked up at him when she finally pulled away was pale and
drawn.
“Do you want to lie down for a bit?” Daniel suggested gently, knowing that
he had to attend to the needs of the young woman before anything else. He
had been told that he would have to go down to the hospital to formally
identify the body, but as cowardly as it was, he was certain that he would
be unable to do it by himself. Cassie just nodded, and let him lead her
upstairs to her old room and tucked her in as though she was still a small
child. He brushed back hair from her face, and sat with her until she fell
asleep from emotional exhaustion. With one final glance back, Daniel closed
the door and sighed. There was little chance that she would be returning to
the Academy on Sunday night, which added another number to the list he would
have to call.
He himself was exhausted, but knew that he didn’t have time to take a nap.
He didn’t even know if he would be able to lie in the same bed that he had
shared with Janet without being assaulted by a barrage of memories of the
woman he loved. Sleep would not come easily to him for a long time now, and
nightmares would haunt him for longer.
The shrill ringing of the telephone again startled him, and his blood rang
cold. The last time he had answered the phone, his world and his heart had
been shattered. Gathering up his courage, and with his mouth dry and heart
pounding he picked up the cordless phone that had been left on the landing
table and answered with a cautious “Hello?”
“Hey Daniel,” Sam’s cheery voice greeted him, and Daniel swallowed hard, for
she hadn’t heard the news and he’d have to be the one to tell her that her
best friend was dead. “Is Janet there?”
Daniel swallowed hard again, wishing that he were at least able to tell her
in person. But this wasn’t something that he could procrastinate about.
“Daniel? You still there?” With no response, Sam was wondering what
exactly was happening over at her friends’ house.
“I, uh, Sam,” he began. “There was an accident. Janet was knocked down and
killed by a drunk driver in the city about forty minutes ago.”
“Shit.” The expletive was softly spoken, and Daniel knew from the silence
that followed that Sam was trying to keep her emotions under control. As
she had said to him when they first rescued Cassandra, she was supposed to
remain detached, but with the news that her best friend had just died,
emotional detachment was unlikely to happen. “Does Cassie know yet? How’s
she taking it? Oh God Daniel, how are *you* taking it?”
It was typical Sam – worrying about others without a second thought for
herself. “She’s sleeping now,” he said, casting a glance back at the girl’s
closed bedroom door. “I think she’s in shock. She didn’t believe me at
first, and when I explained further, she started to cry.”
“What about you?” Sam asked again, knowing how he had been so scared to
fall in love again due to the horror and tragedy surrounding his first
wife’s abduction, and later death. He had confessed to Sam that he had
never expected to fall in love again, but he couldn’t help falling
head-over-heels for the beautiful 5’2 medical officer. He had taken a risk
with his fragile heart, which once gain had been shattered into a thousand
parts with the loss of Doctor Janet Fraiser.
“I’m okay,” Daniel replied automatically, knowing that he would be asked how
he was doing countless times over the coming weeks. It had been the same
after Sha’re’s death, only this time, the whole of the SGC would be mourning
their own loss as well as his. Everyone on base had followed their romance
with almost as much interest as their speculations about Sam and Jack. They
had made no secret of their transgression from colleagues to friends and
then to lovers, and their wedding early the previous year had been awash
with dress uniforms. Even Major Davis had made the trip from Washington to
join in the celebrations and offer his congratulations. The dress uniforms
and Major Davis would soon be making reappearances; this time for Janet’s
funeral.
“Uh hu.” Sam sounded sceptical; knowing that her grief paled in
significance to what he must be feeling right now. Only if she lost Jack –
God forbid – would she have any idea of the intensity of the emotions
involved. “Oh God Daniel, if you need anything, just call me okay?”
“Sure,” he assured her, actually planning to call and send Jack over to
check on her. Janet and Sam had been as close as sisters, and Janet’s death
would hit the other woman hard even though she would be unlikely to admit
it.
A wail from the next room prevented him from saying anything else, and he
said his hasty goodbyes to Sam and headed into the nursery. Four-month-old
Laura Claire Jackson looked up at him, and blinked away tears from her clear
blue eyes, which were identical to his own.
“Hey baby,” Daniel whispered, as he picked up the small infant and cradled
her close to him. With the exception of the eyes, she reminded him so much
of Janet that it almost hurt to look upon his own daughter. “Guess you’ve
finished with your nap now, huh? Mama put you to bed, but it’s just going
to be daddy now. Mama’s gone to heaven to live with the angels, and Aunt
Sha’re and your granddad and grandma and she’s going to watch over you and
Thomas and Cassie.” Daniel knew that the baby understood none of his
ramblings as he paced aimlessly across the room, feeling the tears well up
again.
“Dada.” The voice came from the door, and Daniel turned to see his son
Thomas rubbing his eyes and trailing his blanket behind him. He had fallen
asleep on the sofa by Daniel just moments before the fatal phone call, and
even though the two-year-old had already had a nap earlier, Daniel had let
him sleep. “Where’s mama?”
“Mama’s gone away Tom,” Daniel said, trying to keep his voice steady. The
more times he had to say it, the harder it was becoming, although this might
have been because he was forced to tell his son that he was now motherless.
“When she back?” Tom demanded in his simple English. He was clearly a
bright boy, and as well as being advanced for his age in English language
skills, he had also picked up German from his father and grandmother, and
would sometimes come out with the odd word in Ancient Egyptian or Latin.
“She’s not coming back,” his father replied, watching as the boy’s lip
trembled and tears filled his eyes.
“She didn’t say goodbye?” Tom wanted to know, and Daniel’s heart broke, as
he readjusted Laura and picked the toddler up, who clung to him. Janet’s
exact words as she had left the house earlier after putting Laura down for
her nap had been “Be good boys and I’ll see you later,” after kissing them
both. If only Daniel had known that he would never see her alive again, he
would have had made the kiss more memorable, instead of the brief brushing
of the lips they shared when one left the house. “Where she go?”
“Heaven,” Daniel told him simply. With being bounced around so many foster
homes as a child, Daniel had seen religion in all forms, although he had
never chosen one himself. On Abydos, there had still been the few who
believed in the false gods, and when Daniel had returned to Earth, he had a
renewed interest in the religions of the world, and had on several occasions
turned to faith to get him through some of the harder times. He would be
returning to faith now, and his belief was that Janet was in a better place
now, looking down on them, and watching out for him and their children.
“She died Tom, and went to heaven.”
“What is death Daniel?” Cassie had obviously been woken up by something,
for she entered the room and took the baby off him, allowing him to hold his
son more comfortably.
For all his knowledge, this wasn’t something that Daniel could answer easily
and he thought about it. He knew the medical definition of death of course,
but realised that wasn’t the answer that Cassie was asking for. A memory of
reading Cassie story books when she first arrived on Earth came to mind, in
particular one chapter when the same question had been asked. “Just falling
asleep with God – to awake in His presence.”
He saw the spark of recognition in Cassie’s eyes as she smiled sadly, and
moved to leave the nursery.
* * *
One week later
Janet had been buried with full military honours, but Daniel had been
oblivious to everything except his children and the coffin in front of them
with contained the last mortal remains of his beloved wife.
Jack had given her eulogy, and a lot of tears had fallen for the
well-respected and well-loved doctor. All her family had flown in to
Colorado, and although it was only the second time he had met Janet’s two
brothers, and the third meeting with her sister, they had all offered their
sympathies and help with the children if he ever needed it. Janet’s parents
he had met more often, and they had immediately adopted him into their
family and had flown in as soon as they heard the news, while the others
only made it to the funeral itself. Virtually the whole of the SGC had
turned out; with only the smallest number possible remained on base to keep
it operational. As the Chief Medical Officer, Janet had been in contact
with more or less everyone on base, and had helped saved the lives of
countless members of the command. It was the least they could do to come
along and honour hers.
Cassie had chosen to stand with pride in her cadet’s uniform alongside the
two military members of SG-1 and General Hammond, while Daniel enlisted his
mother-in-law’s help with the children. She had cradled Laura, while he
held Tom throughout the entire service. Both had been quiet throughout the
service, for which Daniel had been thankful, as he didn’t know anyone who
would have been free to baby-sit.
Jack had held the wake at his house, although for the first half, Daniel had
just sat in the darkened master bedroom where he had put the children down
for naps. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to go downstairs and face
all the sympathy from everyone. The only people he had seen during the week
outside Janet’s family had been Sam, Jack, Teal’c and General Hammond – his
family. He had told them about his decision to leave SG-1, and they
supported him fully, for they knew that his young family would have to come
first. His two children were already motherless – he wouldn’t risk them
becoming orphans. He was to stay on at the SGC as an advisor to the teams,
but this would mean regular hours, and few, if any off world jaunts. He had
proposed his assistant, Jonas Quinn, one of the refugees brought back
through the Stargate, as his replacement, and Hammond had agreed for the man
was a fast learner and had spent most of his year on Earth studying all of
Daniel’s mission reports and books. The General had also denied Jack’s
request of retirement, because Janet’s loss had reaffirmed just how quickly
things could change, and made him and Sam realise that should one of them
lose the other, they wanted to have at least shared what Daniel and Janet
had done. However, Hammond had also declared that as long as they kept any
fraternisation off base and were impartial to each other whenever they were
on duty, then they could do whatever they want away from the Air Force.
But as glad Daniel was that his friends could finally seek happiness in each
other, all his thoughts were still of the woman he loved, as he sat in the
dark, watching their children sleep.
* * *
The end
The quote about falling asleep to awake with God was said by Madge Russell
to Joey Bettany and Grizel Cochrane in “The Head Girl of the Chalet School”
by Elinor M. Brent-Dyer.
All else copyright Vicki Pryke 2002
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