Dreaming of Mary Sues
by Vanessa Nichols and Wendy Parkinson
Email: nessi_anne@yahoo.com wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: humour, S/J, D/J
Spoilers: minor mentions of Divide and Conquer, Window of Opportunity, The
Curse
Season/Sequel info: Set Fourth Season, Fourteenth in the Danny Lurks series,
sequel to Everybody's Talking.
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none, other than extreme silliness
Summary: Ness and Wendy are invited to visit a baby
Archive: "Sam and Jack" and "Dan and Jan"
Date: 11th November 2000
The complete Danny Lurks saga can be found on my website at
http://www.parkin404.freeserve.co.uk/danny.htm
Lyrics from 'Hound Dog' by Elvis Presley and 'YMCA' by the Village People
used without permission. No infringement intended.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and
Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for
entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or
trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living
or dead, is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No
flames please.
Author's Notes - Ness: Ok, well I blame Wendy for this one. :) We
were actually working on a different DL story, but she went and wrote
part 13 *elbows Wendy* which made that one redundant, and told me to
think of something else... the rest, as they say, is history! As with
our last collaboration, this was a labor of love, a labor of
laughter... and a labor of super-quick writing and little sleep! But
we had fun, and that's the main thing. I hope you enjoy it! :)
Author's Notes - Wendy: Credit where credit's due - this was Ness' idea
and she had it all planned out.... but there was a slight problem with this
concept - she didn't really tell me what the plan was! I think that (and all
the elbowing) was revenge for me writing Danny Lurks 13. As a result, over
the last six days we've written something that's entertained us immensely -
I hope you enjoy it too.
For those of you who are interested in this kind of thing (I know *someone*
is bound to ask!) - Ness wrote 'a', 'b', 'e', 'f', 'i', 'j', 'k', 'o', 'p',
'q', 'v', 'w', 'x' and the epilogue. I did the rest. But we edited each
other so heavily the lines between our parts are now rather blurred.
'Mary Sue' is an original character in a fan fiction, based on the author,
who saves the day, is incredibly clever, beautiful and witty, and probably
has a romance with the hero. Basically, she's too good to be true.
We try to avoid her.... ;-)
And now, the story...
Introducing... in all it's glory...
"Dreaming Of Mary Sues" by Wendy Parkinson & Vanessa Nichols
A is for Accepting invitations that we probably shouldn't have...
"I'm not so sure this is such a great idea..."
"Oh for crying out loud..." muttered Wendy, as she struggled to keep the
rental car on the road. "Ness, we've already been through this."
In the passenger seat, Ness shook her head. "And I still don't think you're
listening to me."
"I'm listening, I'm listening!" Wendy protested, dropping the car down
another gear as the road took another incline.
"Then why aren't you turning this rust-bucket around and heading back to the
airport?"
"Because even though I'm listening to you, I'm not agreeing with you." The
brunette answered, adjusting her glasses.
"Well, you should be." Ness responded automatically. "I mean, what makes you
think we're going to be able to get in, anyway?"
"It was all in the invitation Ness--passes, a guide, and assurances of
entry."
"Anonymous passes, you mean." When Wendy didn't answer, Ness snuck another
look at her friend. "Wendy..."
"Ok, ok," sending her a quick glance, Wendy smiled. "Anonymous passes--but
why you want to be anonymous when we're going to see your friends, I have no
idea."
"Your friends, you mean. They sent *you* the invitation."
Wendy rolled her eyes. "That's only because *you* told them all to email
*me* instead of you!"
"They crashed my entire ISP by flooding me with emails--I was pulled up for
questioning by the police over the possibility of moi being an international
hacker, or industrial spammer or something."
"Industrial spammer?"
"Or something," Ness repeated, a small smile of her own edging out.
Both women shared a grin before returning their gazes to the scenery.
"Besides," Ness continued a moment later. "Daniel's still not impressed with
me because I set up the danandjan group--the last thing I need is for him to
corner me in a room with a bunch of heavy rocks."
"Artefacts, Ness--they're called artefacts." Wendy mimicked, slowing down
automatically as they approached the first gate.
"Whatever." answered Ness, a little absently. "Wen?"
"Yeah?"
"Is it just me or does that security guard look familiar?"
As the car slowed down at the first barricade the MP in question moved
towards Wendy's window. "I'm sorry ladies, this is a restricted area--can I
see some identification please?"
Both women just stared at him.
"Ladies... your identification please?"
"MacGyver?" Wendy managed in the end, eyebrows raised sky-high.
The MP nodded slowly before gesturing to the name on his uniform. "Uh, yes
ma'am. Private Angus MacGyver the second... now, may I see your
identification please."
Eyes wide, Wendy turned to grab their papers. As she handed them to the
officer, Ness suddenly started laughing. "Oh my god," she chuckled. "I just
figured it out."
"Figured what out, ma'am?" asked the Private, even as Wendy raised an
eyebrow.
"Can't you see it Wen," Ness asked her friend. "He has Siobhan and the
Cloning Machine written all over him."
She watched as comprehension dawned on Wendy's face, the two of them looking
to the officer once again. "So he does." Wendy murmured, shaking her head as
she sized up the man standing next to their car. "Well, well, well--nice to
meet you Mac II." In the passenger seat, Ness began snickering
uncontrollably.
"Likewise ma'am--you're familiar with the CM operation then?" At the women's
nods, Mac smiled in what seemed like relief.
"Who ordered you, Mac?" Wendy asked curiously, retrieving their
identification.
"General Hammond, ma'am. He remembered reading a report about my security
appraisal on the Mountain several years ago and decided that I should be on
staff at all times." Mac paused and then looked at the women hopefully,
leaning in towards the car. "I don't suppose you know of any way that I
could leave, could you? I really can't tell you how much I hate being in the
military--why, the whole issue of guns alone is enough to make me..."
Both women started to shake their heads.
"Oh," Mac said. "Well, it was worth a shot." Straightening, he checked his
clipboard and then gestured to the 'gate operator. "Drive on through ladies.
Follow the arrows to your left until you reach the Visitors Area. An MP has
been assigned to you for the duration of your stay--he'll help you from
there. Goodbye."
"Bye." chorused Wendy and Ness, and the car moved forward.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
B is for Bert, our guide for the evening...
"So, who do you think our MP will be?" asked Wendy as she parked the car and
the two of them got out.
Stretching her legs gratefully after the cramped confines of the rental car,
Ness shrugged. "Who knows? But," she added a moment later. "After seeing who
the guard was on the Gate, I'm ready for anybody."
Wendy chuckled. "Yes--me too."
By the time they'd turned and retrieved their backpacks, an MP was standing
at the rear of the car. "Your identification papers please?"
Jumping a little from the unexpected voice, Ness cursed under her breath as
Wendy handed over the desired papers once again. The MP perused them for a
moment, glancing at both of them before returning his scrutiny to the
papers. Moving closer to Wendy, Ness nudged her with her shoulder. 'What
now?' Ness mouthed when Wendy looked at her. Shrugging, Wendy started to
reply when the MP spoke.
"Leia Jones?" the guard asked then, looking at Ness. "And... India Solo?" he
finished, glancing to Wendy.
Mouth opening, Ness started to turn to Wendy again, only for her friend to
step forward. "Yes." she answered smoothly, taking the papers back. "Are you
our escort?"
The MP nodded. "Yes ma'am--Lieutenant Robert Paige." Turning slightly, he
gestured that they start walking. "If you'll follow me, I'll escort you down
to the quarters that have been assigned to you for your stay."
As they followed the Lieutenant, Ness nudged Wendy again. "Leia Jones? India
Solo?" she muttered under her breath.
Smiling innocently, Wendy shrugged before whispering back. "You were the one
who decided we should have a Harrison Ford movie marathon last week!"
Looking forward again, Wendy raised her voice. "So Bert," she called out
cheekily. "How's the wife?"
Almost tripping over his feet in surprise, Lieutenant Robert 'Bert' Paige
turned back to face the snickering women. "Uh, fine... ma'am." he answered
after a moment's hesitation, before gesturing that they precede him into the
elevator. And as the doors closed, Bert closed his eyes--if his boyfriend
ever found out that he was pretending to have a wife, his romance-life was
going to hit an extremely rocky patch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C is for Christmas challenge, we have one each year...
Ness and Wendy turned to face the doors as Bert pressed the button to start
their descent. They looked at each other and grinned. "I can't believe we're
actually here," whispered Wendy.
"I know, it's great, isn't it?" agreed her friend.
"Just think how many stories there have been where Sam and Jack have done it
in a lift." Wendy looked round, slightly awe-struck.
"It could be this lift, couldn't it?"
Bert glanced over his shoulder at the women. So the rumours about O'Neill
and Carter were true, were they? He always thought there was something going
on between those two. Wait till he got to the commissary, he'd tell everyone
what he'd heard! He turned back and pretended to concentrate on the display
in front of him.
The two women were so caught up in their conversation, they hadn't realised
he was listening. "I still think trying to remain anonymous is a bad idea,"
said Wendy
"Please! We've been through this, you're beginning to sound like a broken
record."
Deciding that there was no point in trying to change Ness' mind, Wendy said,
"So, are we having a Christmas challenge on the list this year?"
"Definitely--it's a list and archive tradition. I've got a few ideas, but
nothing concrete. What about you? Any thoughts?"
Wendy stared up at the descending numbers above the door, as if searching
for inspiration. "How about..." she said slowly, "Sam and Jack exchanging
presents..."
Ness nodded. "Already thought of that one."
"A snowman..."
"Hmm, sounds promising..."
"Someone dressed as a Santa Claus..." Wendy continued. "And, a partridge in
a pear tree..."
"A partridge in a pear tree?" Ness echoed incredulously.
"Yes, and you can't have someone singing or listening to The Twelve Days of
Christmas," Wendy added firmly.
"So you actually want partridges in pear trees in these stories?" Ness asked
dubiously. Wendy nodded. "Remind me again why I agreed to write a
collaboration with you."
"You admire my serious, thought-provoking, angst-ridden, sensible approach
to writing fan fiction?"
Ness made a choking noise. "Hah! No, I think it's because you've got an ever
crazier sense of humour than I have!" Wendy smiled brilliantly and made a
mini-bow. "But those idea's are pretty good. I'll definitely see if I can
work them into the challenge when I release it on December first."
The women both grinned as the lift came to a halt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
D is for Doctor Daniel Jackson, of course...
"If you would like to follow me," said Bert, gesturing towards the open
doors.
Ness and Wendy started to follow their guide, still chattering to each
other.
"So who do you think we'll see next?" asked Wendy
"Don't know. We'll have to keep our eyes peeled, won't we?" Ness smiled
suddenly. "We're like a couple of big kids, aren't we?"
"Yes, great, isn't it?
As she was looking at Ness, Wendy didn't see the man approaching fast on her
left, his head down, immersed in some papers he was carrying. He walked
straight into her, sending her cannoning into Ness and almost knocking her
over.
"I'm terribly sorry. Are you all right?" he asked, as he bent down to pick
up some papers he'd dropped. "I really should learn to look where I'm
going."
The women's mouths dropped open in surprise. Wendy straightened her glasses
and managed to stammer, "I'm fine, thanks. I wasn't looking where I was
going either. Not your fault."
The man stood up, the unruly sheaf of papers tucked firmly under his arm. He
held out his hand. "I'm Daniel Jackson. I don't think we've met. Are you new
around here?"
"I'm W..." began Wendy as she shook the outstretched hand, only to be
rewarded by a violent dig in the ribs by Ness. She shot her friend a filthy
look, then carried on. "I'm W... weally pleased to meet you."
Ness groaned, and decided to take matters into her own hands. There was no
way she was going to let Daniel know who she was. He owned a lot of heavy
artefacts. "This is India Solo and I'm Leia Jones."
Wendy muttered something under her breath about friends with sharp elbows,
rubbing her ribs.
Resolutely ignoring her friend, Ness carried on. "We're here visiting
friends."
Daniel looked from the blonde to the brunette, then back again. He didn't
believe a word of it. No-one ever visited friends in Cheyenne Mountain, it
was a top secret facility. And those names... aliases, if he'd ever heard
them. Anyone would think they'd made the names up after watching a Harrison
Ford movie marathon.
But on the other hand, they did have an official escort and presumably,
valid paperwork. This thought led the archaeologist to an inescapable
conclusion. The powers that be had decided to share secrets again without
telling their personnel. These two must be the representatives of foreign
governments here on a fact-finding mission. From Britain and Australia, if
he'd guessed their accents correctly.
He'd have to bring this up with the General at the briefing. The briefing!
Uh-oh! He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go. I'm
already late for a briefing. I'll perhaps see you later?"
"Perhaps," agreed Wendy, as they watched Daniel disappear down the corridor.
"Not if we see you first," muttered Ness under her breath.
"Spoilsport!" retaliated Wendy. "He's even nicer in real life than when you
see him on... you know. Taller, bluer eyes..." Her voice trailed off.
Ness rolled her eyes. "What on earth am I going to do with you if we meet
Jack?"
"Use smelling salts?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
E is for Enterprises, Emails, and Extreme Scrutiny...
Having left their overnight bags in the VIP quarter's assigned to them, and
after whispering furiously about the previous occupants who'd been there
before them, Bert agreed that it was probably time that they finally got to
the crux of their visit--the Infirmary.
"Still adamant about the anonymous issue..." Wendy started to query as they
followed Bert through the concrete hallways.
"Broken record." Ness reminded her.
"Because Janet, at the very least," Wendy continued anyway. "Would no doubt
be ecstatic to see you. In her emails to me, she described you as the
Goddess for Romantic's..."
"And for that reason alone," Ness responded. "Anonymity is a good thing.
Ever since I started the DJ list for her, she's been pestering me about
beta'ing stories for her, introducing specific topics and subjects onto the
list... all in the guise of making Daniel more and more aware of her 'sexual
appeal'. I mean, I love the good Doctor, and I think she and Danny will make
a great couple, but there's only so much *I* can take..."
"Ms Solo? Ms Jones?" Both women looked up as Bert halted before a set of
double grey doors. "The Infirmary." he announced simply. Pushing the doors
open, he gestured that they precede him into the room.
"Wow," Wendy murmured. "It's..."
"Bigger." Ness answered, following her friend's wide-eyed gaze. "On the..."
she coughed a little. "'Footage' it seemed so much smaller."
Wendy nodded, glancing at the rows of beds. "Yeah... you know, I reckon this
room is almost as big as the Gateroom..."
Before Ness could reply, a white-coated figure approached them. "Can I help
you?"
Bert stepped forward, saluting quickly. "Doctor Fraiser--these are Ms Jones
and Ms Solo--they're here to visit Samantha Carter the second, and Jack
O'Neill the second."
"Actually," Wendy interrupted. "We're here to see Baby Martouf." Holding out
her hand, she smiled broadly at the Doctor. "Doctor Fraiser, I've heard a
lot about you... I'm India Solo, it's nice to meet you."
Dubiously, Janet shook the offered hand. "And you are?" she asked, looking
at Ness.
"Leia Jones--likewise, it's nice to meet you."
"Uh huh," Janet murmured. "Well ladies, I'm sure it's nice to meet you too."
Folding her arms over the clipboard she was holding, Janet stared at them
both. "Might I ask how you know Sammy--I mean, Sam and Jack the second?"
Wendy and Ness shared a quick look. "Uh," Ness started, only for Wendy to
step forward.
"We're with CM Enterprises," Wendy informed her smoothly. "Since the
discovery of SCII's pregnancy we've been in contact with the clones,
monitoring the progress--it's quite unusual you see, for clones to reproduce
without the benefit of a cloning machine. When SCII and JOII invited us out
here to visit them and their baby, well," Wendy and Ness shared a smile.
"We simply *couldn't* refuse." Ness finished sweetly.
"I see." Janet repeated doubtfully. "Well, I suppose it'll be
alright--you've obviously been given the appropriate clearance, otherwise
you wouldn't be here..." Shrugging, she gestured behind her. "If you'll
follow me then."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
F is for Family, the SGC's first...
"Sam, Jack," Janet called out as they approached a sectioned off corner of
the Infirmary, "you have some visitors."
"Come in," came a very familiar voice.
Pushing the curtain aside, Janet indicated that Ness and Wendy follow her
in. "This is Leia Jones and..."
"India Solo." Wendy finished as the women smiled at the two clones.
"Nice names." quipped Jack II.
Ness coughed. "Thank you. Uh, nice animals."
Everybody glanced at the collection of stuffed toys adorning the nearby
stand. Once a trolley for holding medical instruments, the cart now held
pink elephants, yellow ducks, blue teddy-bears, green puppy-dogs, purple
giraffes, orange monkeys, a white kitty-cat, and a black and red fish.
"Thanks," Sam II replied, eyes narrowing at her guests.
An awkward silence filled the room. "Um, well..." Wendy muttered, trying to
think of something to say. "Oh," she exclaimed a moment later. "We have some
presents for Baby Martouf," she glanced around briefly. "Who's not here..."
she finished, a disappointed tone coating her voice.
"He's sleeping." Sam II answered promptly, only for her announcement to be
drowned out by the sound of a baby crying.
"Or not." Jack II drawled. Getting up from his chair beside Sam II's bed, he
headed for the doorway. "I'll go get him."
Janet nodded. "I'll come with you."
And then there were three. The three women--Bert having decided to wait back
at the Infirmary entrance--stared at each other.
"So who are you two? I mean really?" Sam II demanded then.
Wendy and Ness looked at each other. "What? We're..."
"Did Maybourne send you? The NID?"
"What?!" Wendy and Ness exclaimed together.
"Because if you're after my son, I'm tellin' you now that..."
"No, of course not." Ness protested.
"YOU invited US here!" Wendy answered automatically, only to wince as Ness
dug her elbow into her side... again.
"No, I didn't." Sam II replied. "Darling Jack and I invited Wen..." she
paused, her mouth dropping open. "Holy Hannah!" she exclaimed. "You two
are..."
"Ssh!" Ness murmured quickly, glancing around to see if anyone was nearby.
"But..." Sam II started only for Wendy to interrupt her.
"I'm Wendy, and this is Ness," she said quickly, moving out of Ness' reach.
"But you can't tell anyone--we don't want people to know we're here, ok?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
G is for Gifts, for a baby so small...
Sam II frowned. "Why?"
"Long story," muttered Wendy with feeling, rubbing her ribs.
"Let's just say, some people around here are a little upset with us," Ness
said.
"You," corrected Wendy. "They're not upset with me."
"Okay, *me*," agreed Ness reluctantly.
Sam II grinned. "Let me guess, that would be Daniel and Janet? He's mad at
you for starting the danandjan list, and she's mad because it still hasn't
worked."
"You got it," said Wendy. "How did you..."
"It's easy to overhear a lot in here." Sam II smiled mischievously. "You
wouldn't believe what I've heard about Bert." She gestured towards the door,
where their escort was still standing. She leant forward conspiratorially.
"Did you know his wife wasn't..."
She was interrupted by Jack II returning with baby Martouf. "Here's the
little guy. Wide awake and ready for action!" He passed the swaddled infant
to Sam II. As she nestled the baby in her arms, Ness and Wendy leant in
closer to get a better view.
"Oh he's adorable," said Ness.
"Absolutely gorgeous," agreed Wendy. "What beautiful blue eyes."
"The presents!" hissed Ness, nudging Wendy.
"Of course." Wendy passed a small package to Sam II. "That's from me."
Ness gave a similar sized parcel to Jack II. "And that's from me."
"Thank you. That's very kind of you both." Sam II turned to the baby. "Come
on Marty, shall we see what nice gifts Ness and Wendy have bought you?"
Immediately, Ness groaned and Wendy tried to hide a smile. Sam II, realising
her mistake, suddenly looked up guiltily.
"Wendy and Ness?" Jack II repeated, narrowing his eyes. "I thought you said
your names were..."
All three women just looked at him.
Jack's eyes suddenly went wide. "Wendy and Ness," he repeated again. "As in
Ness--list and archive mom and author Ness? And as in Wendy--author of
'Blackout' Wendy?"
Both women reluctantly nodded.
"They're using aliases, Darling Jack, for personal security reasons." Sam II
informed her partner then, sending him a look that clearly stated 'go with
it'. Jack nodded, a confused expression on his face as Sam II started to
unwrap the present Wendy had given her.
"What did you get?" Ness asked Wendy. "You never said."
"Nor did you," replied the brunette.
"Oh, they're lovely," exclaimed Sam II as she revealed two small teddy
bears, one dressed as Robin Hood, the other dressed as Maid Marion.
"They were in one of your fics! Not to mention *completely* British!" said
Ness, horrified. "They're bound to recognise us now!"
Wendy shrugged. "I thought it was appropriate. Anyway, I posted that story
over a year ago, no-one will remember it now. Besides that, do you know how
many tourists I had to elbow out the way when I went to buy them?"
Ness pursed her lips, for once lost for words.
Jack II passed Sam II the other parcel. "I'll put these two characters with
the others, shall I, Sammy Wammy?" He took Robin and Marion and perched them
between the duck and the fish.
"That would be lovely, Darling Jack," Sam II said as she began unwrapping
the other present. "Oh, and this is..." Sam II's eyes widened slightly and
she coughed subtly. "... is wonderful too."
Wendy turned to Ness in disbelief. "A fat-assed wombat?"
Ness took a defensive pose. "That is Fatso, *the* fat-assed wombat--he was
the unofficial mascot of the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games--he was very hard to
get."
Jack II stifled a chuckle as he took the wombat and placed it next to the
giraffe on the trolley.
"You've both been very generous." Sam II told them both.
Wendy shook her head. "And you don't think *that* might give them just a
teensy weensy clue as to who we really are?"
"No."
Wendy rolled her eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H is for Hammond, he has a red phone...
"So, people, you'll leave for P6X123 tomorrow morning at 0700 hours. Any
questions?" The General glanced round the table at SG1.
Daniel raised his hand. "Er, this isn't about the mission, General. But..."
He hesitated. He wasn't quite sure how to put this without making himself
sound paranoid or possibly insult representatives of America's allies.
"Spit it out, Doctor Jackson," ordered the General, who really wanted to get
back to his office for a coffee. He hoped this wasn't going to be a half
hour long plea for more time for archaeological research. Folding his hands
on the table in front of him, he waited for Daniel to begin.
"Well, there were these two women..." he started.
"*Two* women? Daniel, this is not the forum for telling all about your
romantic conquests!" said Jack. Sam giggled. The general wanted to, but
managed to restrain himself. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
The archaeologist glared at him and carried on. " ... in the elevator. It
was all very suspicious. They said they were *visiting friends*. Lieutenant
Paige was with them, so I guess they had official clearance but who ever
visits friends here? It's a top secret facility."
"Strange," said Jack.
"It gets stranger," said Daniel. "They said their names were Leia Jones and
India Solo."
"Sounds like they made them up after watching a Harrison Ford movie
marathon," said Sam.
"Exactly!" agreed Daniel. "And judging by their accents, they weren't
American. I'd guess one was Australian and one British." He turned to
General Hammond. "What I want to know is--who are they really?"
Hammond shook his head. "I have absolutely no idea, son. I haven't
authorised any visits."
"Did they look dangerous?" asked Jack.
"It depends how you define 'dangerous'. The Aussie seemed pretty good with
her elbows."
Jack winced. "Well, I suggest we find them and see who they really are."
The General picked up his red phone. "This is a base wide alert. We are
looking for two women acting in a suspicious manner. One is believed to be
Australian, one British." He put his hand over the receiver. "Doctor
Jackson, what did they look like?"
"Both about five eight, the Aussie had blonde, collar length hair. The Brit
wore glasses and had shoulder length dark brown hair. They were both wearing
jeans and sweaters and carrying backpacks."
The General nodded and repeated the description into the phone, then added,
"Approach these women with extreme caution, they may be dangerous."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I is for Intelligence, and the occasional lack of it...
"So," Ness started, as the conversation about Baby Martouf's name origins
wound to a close. "What were you saying earlier about Bert?"
Wendy looked up from her position on the edge of Sam II's bed, Baby Martouf
cradled in her arms. "Yes--if you have any goss, we'd love to hear it."
Sam II smiled and leant forward once again. "Well, it seems that his
wife..."
Suddenly sirens burst into song, causing Baby Martouf to begin crying again.
Hurriedly, Wendy gave him back to his mother, clambering off the bed to
stand beside Ness again.
"What the hell... ?" muttered Jack.
"You know," murmured Ness, tipping her head to one side. "I've heard that
siren before."
Wendy rolled her eyes. "You mean apart from every episode where SG1 spends
at least five minutes on the Base?"
Sending her friend a look that plainly said 'Bite Me', Ness shook her head.
"No, I mean the pitch of it. Lola and I were comparing the different siren
wav's a couple of weeks ago. We worked out that each siren had a particular
sound, and that they were all used for the different emergencies."
Rolling her eyes again, Wendy snorted. "You two have *waaay* too much free
time on your hands."
"I'm serious!" Ness protested. "And if I'm not mistaken, that's the siren
for 'intruders' or 'unauthorised personnel' on the Base."
Wendy laughed. "Come on Ness, you and I both know that there are no missions
scheduled at the moment--therefore there can be none of SG1's usual Base
'problems'. That's the whole reason we're here now instead of tomorrow..."
Wendy's voice trailed away.
Eyes narrowing, Ness held out her hand. "Can I have a look at our papers
please?"
Gulping silently, Wendy nodded and handed them over. "They're legitimate
Ness, I swear." she promised her friend. "I mean, come on, I told you I'd
organise it all, and I have. If they weren't legitimate..."
"They're signed by *Maybourne*!" Ness screeched.
"... we wouldn't have got in." Wendy's voice faded before she shook her head
and took a defensive position. "Hey, you said I wasn't allowed to say who we
were... I could hardly ask Hammond for authorisation papers after that,
could I?"
"But *Maybourne*?" Ness repeated.
Wendy shrugged. "He's been begging me for a part in my next story. I
promised him a bit part if he got me autho papers with anonymous names, no
questions asked."
"That's it," said Ness decisively. "We have to leave. Hammond's probably got
people looking for us all over by now--and since we've already met up with
Danny, I'm sure they have a description of us too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J is for Jack, our loveable Colonel...
Sam II spoke up then, her and Jack II having been watching the entire
conversation with great interest. "You'll need to change clothes... you'll
be recognised in an instant in civvies."
Jack II nodded. "She's right you know." He was silent for a moment as Wendy
and Ness cast despairing gazes at each other. "I've got it!" Snapping his
fingers, he quickly darted out of the room. Before anyone could say
anything, he was back again, a set of fatigues clutched in one hand, a
doctor's lab coat and scrubs in the other.
Ness and Wendy raised their eyebrows silently for a moment before taking
the proffered disguises.
"May as well," murmured Wendy.
"Yeah," agreed Ness.
The two women had no sooner disappeared into a nearby storage room, when
Colonel Jack O'Neill walked into the clones room.
"Hi guys," he started promptly, wincing as Baby Martouf let loose with
another crying bout.
"Sorry," Sam II apologised. "He's a little cranky with all the sirens going
off."
Jack grimaced a little. "Yeah, about that. Have you two--"
"What's with the sirens anyway Jack?" Jack II cut in then. "I mean, isn't it
a little early--your team isn't due to leave for another twelve hours."
Sending his clone a dirty look, Jack cleared his throat. "Contrary to
popular belief, my team does not cause every single disturbance or problem
on this Base."
The two clones just stared at him.
"We don't!" Jack protested. Shaking his head, he struggled to bring the
conversation back to the reason he was here. "Anyway, like I was saying.
Have you two seen any--"
"Doc Fraiser?" Jack II asked.
Jack shook his head. "No--I was going to ask if you'd seen--"
"Yeah," Sam II piped up then, butting in. "We have--she was just in here.
Janet said that you need a pre-mission booster shot. I think she was headed
towards your office... if you hurry, you can probably catch her there."
Deciding quickly that he was going to be nowhere near his office for the
next twelve hours, at the very least, Jack shook his head. "*No*," he all
but shouted. "I'm looking for two strange women--"
"*Two* women Jack?" Sam II shook her head. "And strange ones at that? I
wouldn't let your Carter here you talking about things like that--she might
take offence..."
Realising that this conversation was getting nowhere, Jack finally shook his
head. "Never mind guys, I'll..." In the corridor outside, Doc Fraiser's
voice wafted through the doors, causing Jack to jump slightly. "I'll be
seeing you," he muttered quickly as he took off as fast as he could for the
alternate exit.
"Bye!" called out Sam and Jack II, smiles on both their faces.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
K is for Kawalsky, our SJ mascot...
Eyes frantically searching the face of every airman he passed, Daniel
silently berated himself for not informing the General about the 'visitors'
earlier. For all they knew, those two women could be spies for Maybourne...
or worse! So preoccupied with his 'mission' and his thoughts, he never saw
the airman coming his way until the last moment.
"Omph!" he managed as he and the mystery airman went crashing to the ground.
"Hey, why don't you watch where you're going next time!" came a cross voice
as Daniel readjusted his glasses.
"I'm sorry--my fault." Daniel muttered, standing up. Before he could even
think of taking another step, however, he found himself firmly ensconced
in... a hug?
"Danny-boy!"
Looking up, Daniel found himself staring straight at... "Kawalsky?" he
replied.
"Aw, hell buddy--sorry about sending you flying. How've you been?" Kawalsky
chattered enthusiastically, finally releasing the archaeologist.
"Fine," Daniel nodded, straightening his clothes. "But what about you...
aren't you meant to be off living the high life in seclusion with Siobhan?"
Kawalsky nodded. "Sure am--but she had to work this weekend, so I told her
I'd come back here for a visit."
Daniel grinned broadly. "Well, it's great to see you, and I'm sure the
others will think so too."
The two men started walking down the corridor.
"So tell me, what's new? Siobhan's been pretty busy lately so I haven't
really heard much of the goss--are Sam and Jack still arguing about the
'regs?"
Daniel nodded emphatically. "Oh yeah, but there's been some new
developments--I've got a summary of the recent list activity in my office.
You can borrow it if you like."
Kawalsky's grin was contagious. "Excellent--I have to admit, I've missed..."
Daniel looked up as Kawalsky's voice trailed away, a look for terror
creasing his features. "Kawalsky? Charlie? Are you alright?"
Kawalsky shook his head, staring straight ahead. "Weh... Weh... Weh..." he
managed after a moment, fear coating his voice.
Turning, Daniel stared at the two women walking down the corridor. One was
obviously a doctor--clothed in scrubs and a lab coat--whilst the other was
wearing standard fatigue's. "Kawalsky?" Daniel repeated, confused by his
friend's sudden breakdown.
Kawalsky turned and grabbed Daniel by his shirt, pulling him quickly into a
nearby room. Panicked, Kawalsky watched cautiously as the two women passed
the room and kept going, before turning back to Daniel. "What the hell is
going on?" he all but shouted at the archaeologist. "Since when do list
members get assigned to the SGC?"
"List members?" Daniel repeated dumbly. "Kawalsky, what are you talking
about? Are you sure you're alright?"
"No!" the sometimes-dead-airman shouted. "Not when I see Wendy, a list
member from England who knows the art of interrogation better than any other
enemy you can possibly think of, walking the halls of the SGC with Ness, web
mistress, list mother, and Queen of Angst, Torturer of Souls!"
Eyes widening, Daniel darted back into the hallway. "Hey!" he called out,
satisfied to see the two women turn back. For a moment, he wasn't sure if it
was them--they were in SGC clothes, and the blonde now had glasses whereas
the brunette didn't--but when they looked at each other a second later,
muttered an expletive, and took off running, he had no doubt.
The strange women were definitely here... and now he knew who they were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
L is for Lost somewhere in Cheyenne Mountain...
"Have we lost them?" gasped Wendy, as they rounded yet another corner.
Ness skidded to a halt next to her friend. "What?"
"I said, have we lost them?"
They both peered back round the corner and looked down the corridor.
Satisfied they were safe for now at least, Wendy rested her hands on her
knees and leant over, trying to get her breath back. She looked up at Ness,
who was exploring the pockets of the lab coat she was wearing. "Find
anything interesting?"
"Not yet." Ness smiled. "Worth a try though. There might have been a
security pass in there."
"Wouldn't have been very secure, would it?" Letting out a deep breath, Wendy
straightened up. She frowned. "Do you think I could have my glasses back
now? I can't see a thing."
"They're a good disguise. Daniel manages without his often enough."
"I'm surprised he doesn't walk into things. Anyway, I think our disguises
are shot now--Kawalsky recognised me." Wendy sighed.
"And me." Ness added absently, glancing around them cautiously.
"I didn't know you'd..."
"Oh yeah, me and Charlie go way back."
Wendy raised her eyebrows. Now wasn't the time to ask, but she'd find out
what had passed between Ness and Kawalsky one day. Judging by the look on
her friend's face, it must have been pretty memorable. She frowned.
Reminiscing wasn't getting them out of here. "Could I have my specs...
*please*!"
Reluctantly, Ness handed over the glasses. "So what now? I have no idea
where we are."
"Neither have I but I know one thing for certain." She pointed upwards. "We
need to get to the surface. How difficult can that be?"
They heard footsteps approaching. Frantically looking round, Ness grabbed
Wendy and dragged her towards the nearest door. She opened it and they both
ran inside.
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